COMPELLED TO GO.

What caused her to smile?

2010-03-27T10:42:00.001-07:00

The transformation that has occurred within Carolyne since she arrived to the Kimbilio Center is truly indescribable. The closest description that comes to mind is this: beauty has risen out of the ashes. When Carolyne arrived at the home, her tears and screams of anguish were the only way she could tell her story. For almost a day, we listened to her cry. She was in pain. She was afraid. Her malfunctioning immune system had left her vulnerable to countless diseases and stripped her of her dignity. Wounds covered her body, but they also covered her soul. The virus had already killed her children. Her husband had left her. What she needed was more than we could give; and yet, God was providing her a safe place to come and find rest. We offered her a clean bed, pain medication and lots of love and support.

Shortly after Carolyne arrived to the home, I was sitting at her bedside when she looked up at me; and, to my great surprise, she smiled. The beauty I saw within her face was such a drastic contrast to the despair I had heard, only a few days prior, within her crying. And I wondered: what caused her to smile?

A few moments later, she struggled to speak. Her mumbled words were these: “You have done good to me.” Tears filled my eyes as I saw the dream of the Living Room being realized. The loving-kindness of God was meeting us in our brokenness. Carolyne may be dying, but there is something within her that has come back to life. For this miracle, I am most grateful.

Walking together.

2010-02-15T10:26:00.000-08:00

There is an African proverb which says, “If you want to walk fast, walk alone. If you want to walk far, walk together.” Countless experiences in Kenya have taught me the wisdom and truth that lies hidden within these words. Even though I like to walk fast and to get things done, the journey I am on is long and cannot be done alone. In deep ways, I have grown to value the ones I get to walk with on dirt paths, to sit with alongside the sick, and to fight battles with for the sake of justice and mercy.
Yesterday, in a literal way, I walked far, together with my friend Rebecca. The afternoon sun was hot; and as some visitors have said, it was like walking up hill, both ways. I smiled, as I looked down at the dirt path we call a road, as it was filled with footprints of all sizes: some with shoes, most without. And I wondered how we had all ended up on the same path and where we were all going. Rebecca, a 33 year old widow and mother of two, and I were walking to a Tumaini na Afya (Hope & Health) support group meeting. It is a group of about 35 members that was birthed two years ago both by and for our clients living with HIV/AIDS. They lead the group and meet monthly to encourage one another to live positive lives: physically, emotionally, spiritually and economically. As we walked, Rebecca shared how, when she was first diagnosed with HIV, she felt shame and wanted to hide; but the Tumaini na Afya team had counseled and supported her to go for treatment and to join the support group. With time, she did both. She explained that, although life is hard, she now knows she is not alone in this journey. And that gives her hope. Like so many other moms who are living with HIV/AIDS in Africa, Rebecca’s dream is to live to raise her children. By the grace of God, she will.
When we reached the meeting, my heart was encouraged as I looked around the room. It was full of people who I have watched, in so many ways, come back to life. What a privilege it has been to walk alongside of them and to see them become hope-filled and purpose driven. God’s love has empowered them to encourage people newly diagnosed with HIV. From experience, they can tell their stories and say: “I remember when I was sicker than you. Do not give up.” or “Like you, I was scared but God is with us.” The power of their words is striking to me, because it stems from their courage to speak about their weaknesses. As they share together, freedom from fear and rejection is found and makes room for living life.
Our first patient has come to Kimbilio Center (The Refuge)... She is a young mother who is dying of AIDS. The virus has destroyed her immune system; and to this point, the anti-HIV drugs are not staying within her body long enough to have effect. This combination is devastating. Pauline, a kind and gentle lady, is no longer able to walk and finds herself so weak that she depends upon others for all of her needs. As I arrived to her home one day, she was sitting outside vomiting the morning’s dose of medications. Her two year old son was playing beside his mother’s suffering. In so many ways, they were alone.
As I knelt down to wash Pauline’s hands and face, I was struck by the phrase written on her t-shirt. This may sound ridiculous, but it was like God was speaking to me through the words on her shirt. Before I go on, let me explain about one societal thing first. In Kenya, second hand clothing, imported from the U.S. and Europe, is what most people can afford to buy and wear. Crazy sayings and brands, some better than others, end up in villages plastered on t-shirts. Pauline was wearing a ragged, Disney shirt with the character of Eeyore; but the message said this: “Thanks for noticing me.” As I attended to the needs of this mama and looked her in the eyes, I felt like I was living the passage of Matthew 25; and Jesus was saying: “I was hungry. Thanks for noticing me. I was thirsty. Thanks for noticing me. I am so sick, and you came to visit me. Thanks for noticing me.” I do not tell this to brag about my goodness; in truth, it was a reminder to me of the pure, reckless love of God. I was humbled. I saw the presence of God dwelling in brokenness. Pauline’s suffering was Jesus’ suffering too.

Birds

2010-01-23T10:28:00.000-08:00

After 41 hours of travel, I arrived safely back to Kenya on Saturday night. I am still working through the jetlag; but last night, while I was wide awake at three in the morning, I was overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude and joy to be here again for this season of ministry and life. For the last three months, I have visited 11 states and traveled on 30+ airplanes to share the vision of Living Room, a dream that involves providing quality end-of-life care to those considered poor and too often forgotten by the world. I want to say thank you so much for the ways you welcomed me to your churches, homes, and restaurants and allowed me to share my heart. More deeply than I can possibly tell, I have been encouraged and inspired by the way you have chosen to stand with Living Room. Your prayers, the offering of talents, acts of kindness and generosity have allowed me to see God’s favor in such unexpected and powerful ways.
In October, as I was leaving to come back to the States, a couple of my dear Kenyan friends prayed for me. The purity of their words and their love for God touched my soul and allowed me to hear a familiar message, as if I had never heard it before—tenderly. It was simply this: God takes care of the birds, and He will take care of you. It was an invitation to trust. In countless ways, during the past three months, I have experienced God’s provision, and I have been reminded that God is not limited by our limitations. And something interesting has happened within me—I have begun to notice the birds. When I see them or hear their singing, I am aware of God’s presence and care. Yesterday, I was walking amongst what felt like a sea of people in a courtyard at a large hospital. Everywhere I looked there were people in need and full of despair. There were images of death and sounds of mourning. In the midst of the brokenness, I heard the hope-filled sound of a tiny bird singing. And I was taken by the thought that Jesus walked these same paths. He sat and wept with the brokenhearted. He touched the bodies and souls of those rejected and afflicted with disease, and His compassion healed them. He welcomed children to disrupt His plans. He ate with sinners, and they were freed from their shame. He fed the hungry with good things. The “out of order” condition of the world must have caused Him to shake His head at times. He knew it was never meant to be like this; and that only His love could make, what was so wrong, right. And so He loved.
He has invited us to do the same.

Rest

2009-12-28T10:32:00.000-08:00

We need to find God
and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness.

God is a friend of silence.
See how nature—trees, flowers, grass—
grow in silence.
See the stars, the moon, the sun,
how they move in silence.

Is not our mission
to give God to the poor?
Not a dead God, but a living, loving God.

The more we receive in silent prayer,
the more we can give in our active life.

We need silence
to be able to touch souls.
The essential thing is
not what we say,
but what God says
to us and through us.

All our words will be useless
unless they come from within.
Words which do not give the Light of Christ
increase the darkness.

These truths spoken by Mother Teresa of Calcutta were reflected in the way she lived her life. Although counter to what our fast-paced world values and teaches, is it possible that our greatest peace, our only strength, is found in the moments where we are still and know that He is God? I long to live in the awareness that God is with me, but I confess that I too often resist the silence that is required to hear his voice and know his love. We need silence to be able to touch souls. As a New Year approaches and the dream of Living Room becomes reality, I am reminded that, more than anything, the world needs the Light of Christ. May Light pierce the darkness for those who are suffering and walking in the shadow of death. May it shine brightly and bring hope to all who are disappointed and broken-hearted with grief. We must never allow ourselves to be fooled—as children of God, it matters how we live and how we love! I pray that 2010 will be a benchmark year where we, through silence, grow in trust and compassion.

Let it be to me...

2009-12-01T10:33:00.000-08:00

“Let it be to me according to your word.” I have been pondering these expressions made by a humble teenage girl. She accepted what was being asked of her while she was still confused and afraid. What would people say? What would people think? Unconvinced that she was the best choice for the job, she responded with a willingness that stirs my heart.
In so many ways, she was alone. And yet, there was a child within her, a baby that would forever change the world. With open hands, Mary accepted to be this child’s mother. Her calling required patience as she waited for his coming. Although she could not possibly understand why she was the one chosen, she grew in trust while she waited. With awe, she proclaimed to Elizabeth(Luke 1:46-50):
My soul praises the Lord; my heart rejoices in God my Savior,
Because he has shown his concern for his humble servant girl.
From now on, all people will say that I am blessed,
because the Powerful One has done great things for me. His name is holy.
God will show his mercy forever and ever to those who worship and serve him.
There was joy and hope arising from within her, but there was also great sacrifice required. Her being expectant was not only bad timing and controversial, but it also caused discomfort and pain. But one great day, in the midst of animals, her waiting gave birth to hope. Being a mother, especially to Jesus, cost Mary all of her heart; but with love, she gave it freely as an offering.
As we prepare to celebrate the birth of Jesus, I am grateful that Mary gave room for this miracle to grow from within her. I desire to become like Mary—ever growing in trust. I appreciate that she was not an obvious choice to be the mother of God. She was not perfect. She was poor, too young, uneducated, and unequipped. And God used her inadequacies to demonstrate his sufficiency. As I consider all of this, I am humbled and amazed that He still chooses us to give birth to miracles; and my heart resonates with Mary’s response. Let it be to me according to your word.
The vision of Living Room is to create a community of compassion that honors life and offers hope. For this dream to become reality God is required; but I wholeheartedly believe that He desires to use us, as His children, to accomplish this purpose.

2009-11-09T10:30:00.000-08:00

One Friday morning, like so many others days that I have spent treating patients in the HIV clinic, young men and women and children filled the corridors, waiting patiently to be seen and treated. Although critically ill, most had walked for miles or were carried on the back of bicycles to reach the clinic.
The human emotions that fill this little clinic, every time the doors are opened, are impossible to capture in statistics or words. Each person possesses their own story, their own struggles. They are so much more than the labels that have been placed upon them. Terms like orphan, child-headed household, widow, commercial-sex worker, AIDS patient tell their story merely in part. Within every patient, there is brokenness and beauty that is difficult to describe. Children of God, created in His very image, sit before me. Many are unaware of their worth; but underneath the disguises of poverty and disease, I catch glimpses of what is holy.
This is what I witnessed when Lameck was carried into the exam room. Child-like and totally dependent upon others for his existence, his body was wasted and his mind confused. I cannot estimate how long it had been since he had been bathed; but with a smile on his face, he kept repeating the name of Jesus. A neighbor had carried Lameck to the clinic and reported that he had been abandoned by his family and was left to die alone. As I discussed Lameck’s situation with another provider, I was struck by the hospital referral note that was written: “Abandoned- in need of a home.” My heart was, and continues to be, dissatisfied with this suffering and injustice.
I was reminded that there was no place that Jesus was not willing to go for the sake of love. Subjected to poverty, suffering and death, he chose to come to this broken world and for living out the answer to these questions: Shall I ransom them from the power of Sheol? Shall I redeem them from death? Jesus proved forever that love is as strong as death. And with the mystery of the cross, death was swallowed up in victory. One day, God will wipe away all of our tears; but until then, he catches each one. My prayer is that He will show me the salve that will heal the gaping wounds which cover wasted bodies. With each word and touch, let wrecked hearts be made whole by the power of His love. As St. Francis of Assisi prayed, I ask:
LORD,
Make me an instrument of your health;
where there is sickness, let me bring cure;
where there is injury, aid;
where there is suffering, ease;
where there is sadness, comfort;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is death, acceptance and peace.
GRANT that I may not:
so much seek to be justified, as to console;
to be obeyed, as to understand;
to be honored, as to love…
for it is in giving ourselves that we heal,
it is in listening that we comfort,
and in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Prayer of St. Francis (Modified by Charles C. Wise)
Thank you for being a part of this journey.

Together in loss

2009-06-07T10:22:00.000-07:00

There are moments when the loss that surrounds this village, that fills our hearts is indescribable. We are currently living one of these moments. On Friday, we received a phone call in the middle of the night. It was one of those calls you never want to receive as it carried the message that tragedy had struck. John “Bush” and Veronica Busienei, directors of our Children’s Home in Kipkaren, had taken their nine year old son, Kelvin, to the doctor earlier that evening as he had been sick with fevers and non-specific symptoms for several days. He had been treated with antibiotics and covered for malaria with little change; but no one, including his doctors, expected Kelvin to suddenly fall critically ill. To our great loss, at 1 am, while in his father’s arms, Kelvin passed away.
At 3 am, Bush and Veronica arrived to Kipkaren from the hospital. I witnessed a beautiful expression of community as a group of staff had assembled together to receive them. In the middle of that dark night, all were in shock but none were alone. We prayed. We sang. We sat silently in disbelief. We cried bitter tears. By 5 am, over 30 people had gathered to support one another.
At 6 am, as the sun was rising in the distance, we went to the Children’s Home together to share the news with Kelvin’s 97 brothers and sisters. Painful is the only word that seem s appropriate to describe the moment. I watched Bush, brokenhearted and completely exhausted, scramble to find the words to tell these children that Kelvin was not coming home. These kids, all too familiar with death, were faced with another loss to grieve. As we stumble through this valley of the shadow of death, there are many questions without answers; but I have been reminded and am deeply grateful that God has promised to be near to the brokenhearted.
This morning, as has been constant throughout the weekend, a large group of friends and family members traveled with Bush and Veronica to the mortuary to bring our child home to be buried. In a few hours they will come to the Children’s Home and allow the children to say good-bye before burying Kelvin tomorrow morning. We are very aware of our need for God this day. We are weak and dependent upon His sufficient grace to cover us. Although I do not pretend to understand it, I am grateful for this promise of Jesus: “My strength is made perfect in weakness.”
In the last week, Kelvin was the third death from this village. Each was young. Each deserves to be grieved. As a community, we will continue to sit together and weep what has been lost. We are hoping for the day when death will be swallowed up forever and our countless tears will be wiped away.

Jones

2009-05-29T10:20:00.000-07:00

This morning I stood in a room filled with people from our community living with HIV/AIDS. They gathered to support their sister and friend, a lady named Jones. She is a widow and mother of two sons. In 2005, Jones was diagnosed with HIV and has been receiving treatment since that time. She has also battled cancer for the past three years. It has caused her left eye to be removed and is now threatening to take her right eye. Generous and compassionate doctors, working in the nearby HIV clinic, have been moved by her story and have, against odds, made arrangements for her to travel to Indiana University for the extensive treatment she needs.
Life for this kind and simple lady is hard. She struggles to pay her monthly rent of $5. Without a steady income, she works daily to feed her children. She has never traveled outside of this local community. Packing for her journey will be very light; before today, she did not even own a suitcase. In three days, she will board a plane for a land that is far away and foreign to anything she has ever experienced. She will enter a hospital where she won’t be required to share the bed with other patients. She won’t be denied necessary treatment because she is poor. When I think of this, joy resonates within my heart. It is not about her opportunity to travel to America. Rather, it is that, beyond what she owns or lacks, she will be treated as a person of value.
Critics may say that it is not cost effective and question if this is the best use of funds. But for today, I am grateful for the miracle that Jones has received. Standing in the middle of a circle, she was surrounded by twenty others who understand what it means to live with a virus that steals so much; and yet, there was such a sense of hope as they sang, in Swahili, about grace that has been given to them. As we committed our dear friend before God in prayer, I was struck by the words of Jesus that are written on the wall of the Tumaini na Afya Center (Hope & Health) which say:
“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
40 “The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me’” (Matthew 25:34-40).

Thank you for your continued prayers and support. I am deeply grateful.

Hidden under dirt.

2009-05-07T10:17:00.000-07:00

“None of us, I am sure knows the pain of hunger,
but one day I learned it from a little child.
I found the child in the street and I saw in her face that
terrible hunger that I have seen in many eyes.
Without questioning her I gave her a piece of bread, and then
I saw that the little child was eating the bread crumb by crumb.
And I said to her: Eat the bread. And that little one looked at me and said:
I am afraid because when the bread is finished I will be hungry again.”
-Mother Teresa
I have been looking into the eyes of children who are experiencing “terrible hunger”. Whether their hunger is from lack of food or from lack of love, their eyes tell their stories of pain and emptiness and they ask questions about the hope of their futures. Two weeks ago, a desperate grandmother stood before me asking for help. She was holding a chubby baby that, upon first glance, appeared to be approximately six months old and healthy. But when she gave me the child to assess him further, I was shocked to see that his mouth was full of teeth. I quickly asked the age of the baby; and the grandmother responded: “fifteen months”. I was moved as she told me of her struggle to care for her grandson, Kevin. Close to the time of Kevin’s birth, his father passed away; and when he was merely four months old, his mother left to try and find work. She has not returned.
Kevin has been surviving on a diet of only cornmeal porridge. Amongst the poor, diets often consist of single staples, such as maize, which have a low protein to energy ratio. His “chubbiness” was, ironically enough, the result of severe malnutrition that caused his body to swell. His growth was stunted, and he was significantly delayed developmentally. Unable to crawl, stand, walk, speak or play; this little one rested in my arms. I asked God for help, for wisdom.
Kwashiorkor, the form of protein and micronutrient deficiency Kevin suffers with, was termed by the Ga tribe in Ghana for being “the disease of the displaced child”. It was originally given this name because it was a condition typically seen in young children prematurely weaned from their mother’s breast milk after the birth of a subsequent child. In today’s world, the consequences of HIV/AIDS and extreme poverty have brought new meaning and significance to these “displaced” children. Their vulnerability is not only from losing the nourishment of their mothers. They have lost their mothers themselves. Their struggle for survival, for hope is great.
Kevin arrived to Tumaini na Afya’s Kimbilio Center (Hope & Health’s Refuge) weighing thirteen pounds. He was irritable and weak. Within one week of receiving a special formula and lots of love, Kevin has stabilized. He has been eating well and has gained a pound. He has begun to laugh and play; and quite unbelievably, he has gained enough strength to stand up by himself and is trying to walk. When I think about Kevin, I think about a powerful promise that Jesus gave when he said: “if you receive a child in my name, you receive me.”
I recently held another little baby so beaten by this world. She was covered in filth; but as I held her frightened body, I was struck by the thought that our value has nothing to do with what we possess. It does depend upon our appearance or by what we do. Washing the child was not going to make her worthy of affection. Her value was hidden under dirt and rags, and this is what caused us to bathe her.
When I think about the suffering of these “displaced” children, there are so many questions that I do not have answers to. Sometimes the circumstances that surround are so overwhelming I do not even know what questions to ask. But my prayer is that God will give me the grace to keep looking into their eyes and the compassion to give a cup of water, a piece of bread, or whatever may be required in Jesus name.

Rain.

2009-03-26T08:15:00.000-07:00

The other day I found myself walking along a dirt path and looking across plowed fields that are ready for another planting season. Each year, at this time, there is a sense of expectation all over this land as arrangements are made for seed and fertilizer to be bought and hard manual labor to be exercised within the fields. It is all done with the hope that, in due season, a harvest will be reaped. But when the preparations are complete and the seeds have been planted, we must wait for what we cannot control. Although the sun is hot and the earth remains dry, we ask God for rain. Sometimes it comes.
In the same way, fighting against poverty, disease, and injustice is a journey that requires dedication and compassion. Grace is needed to speak on behalf of those whose cries would otherwise not be heard; and patience must be practiced as we wait in hope and long for what is not yet seen- a Kingdom where there is no hunger or thirst, where there is no selfishness and pride, where there are no orphans or forgotten ones, where there is no more pain or death. Oh, how I thank God for the holy moments and for the glimpses of breakthrough when His goodness compels and empowers us to loosen bonds of wickedness and heavy burdens are undone; when His love moves our hearts to share our bread with those who hunger; when His grace allows us to welcome the broken-hearted into our lives as if they were our own.
In 2003, a 12 year old boy named Shadrack stood beside his brothers and sisters as their mom’s body was lowered into the ground. His mom was a young, single mother of six named Selina whose life was cut short by HIV/AIDS. She owned no land and had nothing materially to leave her children. At the burial, the three grown children, along with other family members, did not feel they were able to take on the burden of raising the three younger children--Jane, Shadrack and Caroline. After the ceremony ended, one by one, everyone left; leaving three children to not only grieve the loss of their mother but to have no clue what would be the future of their own lives. David Tarus, cofounder of ELI Kenya, was at the burial. He saw this desperate situation and was moved with compassion. He told these wondering children, “Let’s go home.” This reality was the beginning of his vision for a children’s home for orphans. Six years later, there are nearly 200 orphans in ELI Children’s Homes and many other orphans and vulnerable children within the community that are under our care. Each has a story of loss and hope interwoven together.
Thanks to friends at ELI, together with his sisters, Shadrack was sponsored to go to school since the 7th grade. He worked very hard and successfully finished high school in 2008. Earlier this month, we received the results from the national exam taken by all high school seniors, and Shadrack excelled with a grade of A- which will allow him to be accepted and go to a national university. Recently, I sat down with this now 18 year old young man and listened to him tell his story. He shared that he hopes to, one day, become a pilot. He also expressed his thanks to David Tarus and to ELI for assisting his family. He explained, “Without the help of ELI, I would have had to dream small. Tarus took the burden to see that I got an education. Now I can help others in the future who are in the same state as me.”
It is amazing what happens when true religion is lived out. The hope and future of orphans are reclaimed. And as we walk with God, we learn to love. There is much work to be done; but like the farmer, we must wait for what we cannot control. We ask God for rain; and when it comes, it is like a breath of fresh air received with great joy.

High Places.

2009-03-06T08:18:00.000-08:00

On Sunday morning, as I thought about going to church, I felt led to worship God by going to sit with a dear lady named Helen. Helen is in the painful process of dying from metastatic stomach cancer. Large surgical scars tell of her fight. A massively distended abdomen, as the rest of her body wastes away, shows that the battle continues to rage. Although the cancer threatens Helen’s body, it does not define who she is. She is a wife and a mother. She is a school teacher. She is a friend. Helen is a child of God who bears His image.

As I sat quietly beside her I experienced the Presence of God in the form of peace, and it was a beautiful gift. At one point, I read a passage of Scripture that, for the past year or so, has been within me. Its message confronts me when I am tempted to want God for the things He gives rather than for who He is. It challenges my spirit when I blame God for the things it appears He has withheld. It offers me a choice when the circumstances that surround feel like everything good has been stripped away. Will I trust God or will I walk in fear? Habakkuk 3:17-19 says: “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails, and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.”

Several months ago, I had the privilege of spending five days in a beautiful little French town at the base of the Jura Mountains. It was an amazing time of retreat and spiritual direction. In my closing session, one of the counselors quoted Psalm 18:33, which says: “He makes my feet like the feet of deer. And sets me on the high places.” She explained that, throughout our time together, this was how she pictured me: sure-footed as a deer, belonging on the high places. Her words moved me and surprised me as they spoke directly to my fears. You see, throughout my life, I have always been a bit clumsy. By nature, I prefer safer, well traveled routes. And yet, the journey God has me on continues to lead me to places that feel narrow and too steep for me to climb. In this process that stretches me and exposes my weakness, I find comfort in Jesus’ words: “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”

I recently read this beautiful book called Hinds Feet for High Places. It is the story of a Loving Shepherd inviting a girl named Much-Afraid to journey with Him. He leads her through difficult places and gives her unlikely companions to walk with: Sorrow and Suffering. After she passes through many dangers which confront her tormenting fears, she emerges transformed and is able to go to the High Places for which she was made. The Shepherd gives Much-Afraid her new name, Grace and Glory; and because of the journey, her friends, Sorrow and Suffering, are changed into Joy and Peace. The Shepherd explains:

It was these lessons which you have learned which enabled me to change you from limping, crippled Much-Afraid into Grace and Glory with hinds’ feet. Now you are able to run, leaping on the mountains and able to follow me wherever I go, so that we need never be parted again. So remember this: as long as you are willing to be Acceptance-with-Joy and Bearing-in-Love, you can never again become crippled, and you will be able to go wherever I lead you.”

As I prepared to leave Helen’s home, she asked me to tell her about the Shepherd that leaves us without want, the One who promised to lead by quiet waters and to restore our souls. The One, whose Presence, even in the valley of the shadow of death, is our hope of living without fear.

Thank you for your prayers and support.

Enlarge my heart.

2009-02-23T08:19:00.000-08:00

Enlarge my heart. This is my request of God. Beyond my understanding, I am convinced it is His desire for me. It is as David prayed: “I shall run the course of Your commandments, for You shall enlarge my heart.” (Psalm 119:32). Jesus said that the greatest commandments were to love God and man fully. On my own, I am often reminded that it is not possible. Love cannot exist with or be extended from fear. Love suffers long and is kind: love does not envy; love doesn’t parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). My only hope at love is for Love Himself to transform and enlarge my heart. The miracle is He is able and willing.

God has surrounded me with beauty and pain, joy and suffering; and it is changing me. Over the past few months, God has reawakened a passion within me to care for the dying. As I prepared to move to Kenya in 2004, I wrote in a letter that “this is the burden that God has put on my heart: that people should not have to die alone.” By God’s grace, over the past five years, loving those who are in the process of dying and those who grieve no longer feels like a burden, I consider it a gift. It is not easy or glamorous and it is incredibly painful at times, but I would not trade the holy moments I have been allowed for anything. Priorities are in perspective. There is no pretending or pretense. God is present. His Father’s heart that endlessly pursues and lavishly welcomes his lost and broken kids is doing just that. With so much compassion, I hear Him saying: "My child, you were never meant to be alone. I know you and everything that you have done, but I could not love you anymore than I do. You're afraid and so ashamed, but you are safe with Me. I will not turn you away. In fact, I long for you to come, just as you are, to Me. I will give you rest." Imagine, the times He chooses to speak these words through one of our mouths or allows our touch to usher one into His Presence. It is sacred.

For one week, I got the chance to love an 18 year old girl named Faith. Her appearance struck me as she entered the examination room at the HIV clinic. She was beautiful but very sick. She was child-like but experiencing consequences of adult decisions that were very probably forced upon her. Her body was wasted but there was still life in her eyes. She moved my heart; and when I heard she was from Kipkaren, I wanted to be her friend. Tuberculosis had destroyed one of her lungs completely. As we walked out of the clinic, she leaned against me. The look in her eyes as I told her we would take her home in our car caused my eyes to fill with tears. I glimpsed the relief that she felt, if only for a moment, that she did not have to struggle to walk, or ride on the back of a bicycle, the long journey home. On Saturday, I visited Faith at the hospital as she had been admitted the previous day for severe dehydration. I sat with my friend as she struggled for air. I bought her french-fries as she requested and prayed the Comforter would come and do just that. Faith passed away last night, and my heart aches because of the loss. Beyond measure, I am also grateful that God allowed me to encounter His treasure. God used Faith to enlarge my heart.

Returning to Kenya.

2009-02-01T08:21:00.000-08:00

I arrived safely back to Kenya and am trying to get over jet lag but wanted to take this opportunity to say thank you so much for the amazing hospitality that was extended to me while I was in the States. Honestly, I was so well taken care of. I will never be able to express in words my gratitude for the ways you have surrounded me and cheered for me as I seek to follow Christ. More than ever before, I know I cannot do this alone. It is equally clear that I was never intended to.

In unique and generous ways, love was poured out upon me by my family and friends. I think about the dear lady, who I had never met before, hugging me as she shared that she often wakes up in the middle of the night to pray for me. In one church, I was talking to a man who was standing with his little boy. The father asked his son: “who do we pray for every morning?” Without hesitation, the little boy pointed his finger towards me. His boldness caught me off guard and moved my heart. I had conversations with people who explained that, in spite of their hard economic situations, they wanted to continue to support the health ministry. One moment that continues to make me smile centers around a little girl named Molly. About a year and a half ago, I wrote an update about an orphaned child named Kipchumba. Molly’s mom had read the update in a church bulletin; and one night when Molly did not want to eat her supper, Molly’s mom told her about Kipchumba’s story. Molly left the dinner table that night and went to her dad to explain that she wanted to give all of the money in her piggybank to Kipchumba. Since then, Molly has written letters and drawn pictures for this little boy who lives on the other side of the world. God only knows if Molly will ever get to meet Kipchumba, but her generous love and child-like faith have helped to empower his life.

The night before I left for Kenya, I was laying in bed and thinking about the season of ministry that is ahead. In truth, I was feeling overwhelmed by uncertainties that fill our broken world. I sensed God saying to me: Are you going to believe Me? The real issue is not the world’s economic situation or on-going transitions that accompany ministry. This is about trust. Following Jesus will not allow me to lean on my own understanding. He will direct the paths, but I have to be willing to let go of my expectations of how God must act. I think about John the Baptist, a man whose purpose was to prepare the way for Jesus to come. When he was in prison, he sent a couple of friends to ask Jesus: “are you the Coming One or should we look for another?” Jesus was not acting the way he was expected to; and yet, I love his reply. He answered, “Go and tell John the things which you hear and see. The blind see and the lame walk; the lepers are cleansed and the deaf hear; the dead are raised up and the poor have the gospel preached to them. And blessed is he who is not offended because of Me” (Matthew 11:2-6). This message relayed back to John is what Jesus is still about: rescuing the lost, binding the broken, offering hope to the hopeless. His words about the poor are striking. Jesus did not say that the blind see and the lame walk… the dead are raised and the poor have become rich. No, Jesus said that good news was being offered to the poor. He was telling the worthless of the world: Take heart. There’s hope. I am Yours. That was their healing. It is also ours. While in the States, I was introduced to a man living in the streets of downtown Fresno. His name is Walker, and he explained that he has been clean from drugs for the past year and a half. When I asked him how he has the strength to get up each day and not turn back to drugs. Without hesitation, he answered with one word: "God."

I recently came across a quote that has challenged me greatly in what it means to be a Christian. It comes from a letter that was written in 131 AD, not by a Christian but about Christians, to the Emperor of Rome. It states:

“It is the Christians, O Emperor, who seem to have sought and found the truth; for they acknowledge God. They don’t keep for themselves the goods entrusted to them. They show love to their neighbors. “They don’t do to another what they would not want done to themselves. They speak gently to those who oppress them. In this way, they make their enemies their friends. It has become their passion to do good to their enemies. Everyone among them who has anything gives ungrudgingly to the one among them who has nothing. If they see a homeless stranger, they bring them in under their own roof. They rejoice over that brother or sister as if they were a real sister or brother. For they do not call one another sister or brother because of the flesh, but because of the Spirit of their God. If anyone among them is poor, while they themselves have little to spare, then the whole community will fast for two or three days until everyone can eat together. In this way, they can supply any poor person with what they need. This, O Emperor, is the rule of life of the Christians. This is the way that they have come to live.”

May we, as followers of Christ, continue to seek and find the truth. May we ever be growing in trust and in love.

Retreat

2008-12-16T08:24:00.000-08:00

I arrived safely to Southern California on Friday and am thankful for the opportunity to be here in the States for the next six weeks. I have come to spend Christmas with my family, to celebrate the wedding of one of my dearest friends, and to meet and share with churches and individuals about what God is doing in ELI’s health ministry.
I wanted to share about an amazing experience I had last week. On my way to the States, I had the privilege of spending five days in a beautiful little French town at the base of the Jura Mountains. I went for a retreat at a center called LeRucher. This center was created to be a refuge where missionaries could come "to be refreshed in their calling in God and remain effective to serve in difficult places.” Personally, it was a time for me to come away and receive spiritual direction from gifted counselors and to process some very difficult experiences that I have lived this year. In the moments of stillness I remembered God’s mercies and faithfulness. I was reminded of the passions and calling He has placed deep within me. With all that has been lost, my yearning to see God’s kingdom come remains unchanged. More than ever before, I am compelled to love from a pure heart. My desire is to walk humbly with God and to extend justice and mercy to those who surround me. I feel God urging me to speak on behalf of those whose voices can rarely be heard.
My final session involved an extended time of prayer and taking communion. In preparation for this, I was asked to write a letter to God as an expression of faith. I want to share part of it with you in hopes that it might encourage any of you who are facing uncertain futures, disappointments, loss, unanswered questions... It is raw but reflects a journey of hope God is leading within me:

My Jesus, You who journeyed to this broken world for the sake of loving me - I am Yours. Thank you for humbling Yourself, for giving up what was rightfully yours, to become poor. You, the King of all Kings, entered humanity as a vulnerable baby and were laid in a dirty cattle trough. You, the Creator of All, became dependent upon your creation. You experienced all of life: hunger and fullness, joy and pain, loneliness and deep relationship. You suffered terribly. You loved perfectly. You were tempted, misunderstood and rejected. You were betrayed by your dearest friends. You allowed your heart to be moved with compassion over suffering and grieved over the loss of your friend. You came with a purpose- to rescue what had been lost. It cost you everything. I will never understand. You broke through all boundaries to love me; and apart from my love, You had nothing to gain. Oh the foolishness of the cross. Of all the mysteries of the universe, this is the greatest; but your death and resurrection is my only hope for life. I will be forever grateful.

You have received me as I am and given me a new name. I am your delight. Your loving-kindness has pursued me every moment of my life and is a constant even when so many things I hold dear are being stripped away. In this season of brokenness, You have heard my prayers and allowed my crying to come before You. Thank you for being near to this broken heart. Beyond my understanding, You have been my strength and my song. Your mercies have been enough for each day and have carried me when I felt like giving up. Although Satan has tried to kill, steal and destroy my community, ministry, relationships and even my own heart; You, the giver of abundant life, are making all things new. I am confident that what is of You will remain. It will be purified.

This year I have lived through war, an earthquake, deaths of individuals that I have loved, dramatic transitions within ministry, and deep disappointment. I have watched as a community broke into chaos and bitter roots of hatred, pride, and fear thrived. Calm returned but the deep wounds were already gaping. The façade I had been living within of being a community where we love our neighbors came crashing down. The gap between the knowledge of our heads and the expressions of our hearts remained before us. Oh, be merciful to us and teach us how to live.

This journey has been like walking along a dirt path in the darkness of night. It is uneven, and I do not know where to step. I have felt alone and without clarity of direction. I have sensed the panic that comes with being lost. It has been desperately fearful and overwhelming. I have been deeply disappointed. I have stumbled along the way, but I have chosen to get back up and take another step. At times, the night seemed as if it would never end, and I have wondered if the darkness would swallow me within it. Desiring relief, I have looked for refuge in places that were unable to provide it. I have asked questions without answers and cried countless tears; but in the moments I have been still, I have heard your whisperings. They have been reminders that my loneliness is only an illusion, and I am not alone. The darkness has never been dark to You. You have not been limited by my questions. There have been times where the darkness threatened to steal all that is mine; but instead of succeeding, a deeper trust has been developed within me as I learn to walk by faith and not by sight.

My Jesus, it is You alone that can make light shine into the darkness. You can take what was meant for evil and use it for my good. In your gracious way, and for your glory alone, I trust You to restore and redeem what feels shattered and lost. I am hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; I am perplexed but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed. Who then shall separate me from Your love? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril or sword?... Yet in all these things I am more than a conqueror through You who loves me. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate me from Your love. Nimeamua kufuata Yesu. Sitarudi nyuma tena. (I have decided to follow Jesus. I will not return again). All my love is yours.

After I read this letter and began to take communion, I had a beautiful picture of Jesus picking the arrows, one by one, out of my heart. When there were no more, He gently put bandages to bind it back together. Whatever you may be facing this day, know that God has come near and He loves you as you are. He is the God that is able to restore what is broken.

Hope

2008-11-04T23:28:00.000-08:00

Four years ago I met a little girl named Charity. She was three years old and an orphan living with her siblings and grandmother. I met her on only one occasion, but I have never forgotten her. Along with her older brother Benson, she was intended to come to the children's home that was being opened in a village called Ilula. I had just moved to Kenya and was a part of the team that went to pick up these two children for their medical check-ups. I still can hear the doctor's words: "This one," in reference to Charity, "is HIV positive." At that time, the children's home was not prepared to care for children living with HIV/AIDS; therefore, Charity was returned to stay at home with her grandmother. During my time in Kenya, I have often looked back on this day and wondered if there was something that could have been done differently.

Last week I felt God compelling me to go back to Charity's home. In my spirit, I knew it was time to stop wondering about this little one. I did not know what to expect in going. I did not even know if she was still alive. Without a further plan in place, I trusted that God's grace would cover the situation and lead me. After the two hour drive through terribly muddy and bumpy roads, I arrived back to the simple mud hut of this dear grandma and was greeted warmly by her and her grandchildren. Charity was the first to greet me. All I can say is that she was beautiful and so playful. She sat beside me, laughing and telling me stories in Kalenjiin.

Her grandma explained that she has been healthy. She attends a nearby HIV clinic monthly; and because her immune system is still functioning well, she has yet to be started on antiretrovirals. She receives food support from the clinic. She attends a local pre-school; and, almost perfectly, she recited her ABC's for me.

As I proceeded to leave, Charity walked me to the car. I sensed, in a powerful way, that God led me to Charity's home and not because I was to help and fix anything. Hopefully, I was an encouragement to the family; but the truth is, God desired to remind me that He is able. As the Psalms promise: "The needy will not always be forgotten. The hopes of the poor will not always be crushed."

In Kipkaren, so much hardship has surrounded us this year. There have been seasons of overwhelming suffering and disappointment. The phrase that comes to my mind is I had hoped. I had hoped that peace and justice would fill our community. Instead, I watched hatred, along tribal lines, kill and displace my neighbors. I had hoped, with all of my heart, that God would heal a baby named Felix. Instead, there is a little grave and a mother left to grieve. I had hoped that things would be different. I had hoped.

I think about Abram and Sarai who had hoped for a child. I cannot imagine the feelings Abram must have felt when God appeared to him and promised to give him a son (Genesis 15). He and his wife were too old. They had learned to live with barrenness. They had given up hope that they would bear their own child and were ready to settle for the obvious: a servant would be their heir.

God appeared to Abram and promised the impossible. Abram's choice to believe God required reopening broken places. It involved awakening lost dreams. To hope again was not a "safe" option. Could he and his wife possibly bear being disappointed again? In his crisis of belief, God led Abram outside and said: "Look up at the heavens and count the stars—if indeed you can count them. So shall your offspring be." Abram chose to believe.

Like Abram, I have been forced to make choices between settling for the obvious or trusting God for what simply seems impossible. In truth, at one time or another, we all have. Jesus promised: "In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world" (John 16:33). Wright states, "Hope for the Christian is not wishful thinking or mere optimism. It is a mode of knowing in which new things are possible. Options are not shut down. New creation can happen. God gives his people the feet to walk the path that they are on. God comes on the road and meets us in the midst of our broken places and catches us up in this movement of all things being made new."

Thank you for traveling with me on this journey of hope.

Fasting

2008-10-15T23:33:00.000-07:00

Throughout this day, I have been challenged by the suffering that surrounds me. I have been asking God for wisdom and compassion to respond. I went to a home this morning to visit a three week old baby girl named Michelle. Her mother tragically died during childbirth. She had labored and delivered Michelle at home; but when the placenta failed to deliver, she was carried several kilometers to our clinic. She passed away upon arrival. She was a single mom and left behind three young children. As I sat beside the grandmother who is taking care of this baby, tears streamed down her face. She asked questions without answers. She wanted to know why four of her daughters have died. She talked of the pain that fills her, the responsibilities that feel unbearable. Then she said, with her hand on the baby’s forehead: “this is my blessing that God has left behind.”
As I listened to the words from this grandmother’s broken heart, a passage I read this morning in Isaiah flooded my mind. It says:
Is this not the fast that I have chosen: To loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, to let the oppressed go free, and that you break every yoke? Is it not to share your bread with the hungry, and that you bring to your house the poor who are cast out; when you see the naked, that you cover him, and not hide yourself from your own flesh? Then your light shall break forth like the morning, your healing shall spring forth speedily, and your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard (58:6-8).
I considered this question: what must I be willing to give up, in this situation, in order to extend compassion? The answer, at least for the moment, was my comfort. I chose to be present with this family and to feel their pain. There were no simple answers to their loss, and so I refrained from trying to offer any. This may sound noble; but the truth is, it is the only thing I had to offer. As I left the home, I held this tiny gift from God and told her that she was loved, that she was known by God, that this was not her fault. I am convinced that, as Mother Teresa put into words, “only in heaven will we see how much we owe to the poor for helping us to love God better because of them”.

The Blind Are Seeing

2008-08-25T23:35:00.000-07:00

I wanted to say thank you to each of you who has been praying for Emily Cheptum. Her eye surgery was successful, and she is now able to see! It truly is a miracle. When she was discharged from the hospital yesterday, Emily asked to be driven around town because she had never been able to see it before. She arrived to Kipkaren and went straight to the children's home to see her 96 little friends. She has been commenting that some of us look different than she had imagined. It is amazing, and we are so grateful to God for the ways He is working in our midst. Thank you again for your prayers and support.

Emily Cheptum

2008-07-25T23:38:00.000-07:00

When the Kingdom of God comes, a glimpse of what was intended to be breaks through the brokenness of this world and into our lives. Two years ago we welcomed 93 little ones into Kipkaren Children's Home. Like it was yesterday, I remember their bare feet and ragged clothes. I remember the tears that streamed down all of our faces as we were confronted with the love of God and the realization of a dream. The loss that had crushed the spirits of these children was unmistakable. Their eyes were filled with countless questions to be answered. I am grateful to God for the group of committed parents, directors, and the home that awaited them. More than mere need compelled us to care for these children. It was compassion. It has been indescribably beautiful to watch these children discover that they have a Father who knows them by name and loves them as they are. Standing outside one Saturday morning, as the sun was rising, I heard the children sing these words in Swahili: "If it weren't for You, where would I be?" And I realized that they know the love of Christ because there are a group of people who 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year pour out their lives and love for the sake of these children.

I wish there was a way to tell in words the transformation that is taking place within the lives of these children, as well as with us who have the privilege of living life with them. One man, who recently came to visit us, began to weep as he listened to the children sing and watched them dance. He later explained, "it was their pure joy that overwhelmed me". I have heard others share that they expected to feel sorry for the kids; but instead, they only see hope. For me, it is life-giving to watch them, even as children, learn to extend this same love that they have received. The children, on weekends, often ask to go into the community to visit the sick, the poor, the widows. They assist the people in carrying water, collecting firewood, and cleaning the compound. The older children help care for the younger ones. Even as Flovia arrived to the home, she was received with so much love by her new family.

A few months ago, I shared in an update about a 17 year old girl named Emily Cheptum. She has insulin-dependent diabetes and has lost her vision; because of her illness and difficult home situation, Cheptum came to live with us in Kipkaren. Currently, her blood sugars are well controlled, and we are preparing to take her for eye surgery. Every evening, Cheptum walks to the children's home to sing and pray with the kids. She loves them and is being loved by them in return. One Sunday morning, several of our kids prayed for Cheptum in the service. They prayed with confidence and passion. As I listened to them, I was being taught a lesson about faith. As Heidi Bakker says, "little children aren't ruined by unbelief". It humbly amazes me the way the love and faith demonstrated by these kids ushers in the Kingdom.

Without a doubt, this is a journey of learning to love and be loved, and I am grateful for all who have chosen to be a part.

Hunger & Thirst

2008-07-17T00:06:00.000-07:00

They shall neither hunger nor thirst anymore; the sun shall not strike them, nor any heat; for the Lamb who is in the midst of the throne will shepherd them and lead them to living fountains of waters. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Revelation 7:16-17

They shall neither hunger nor thirst anymore... As I read this promise in scripture, it makes me long for the day when it becomes reality. I was once told a story about a Kenyan man whose definition of Heaven was the place where hunger no longer existed. His lived experience, like too many living in this broken world, is of pain of hunger on a daily basis. Praying for daily bread is a literal prayer. I remember the day I was first confronted with this reality. I was sitting in the home of a single mother as she shared about her experience of waking up each morning unsure of how she would feed her children. Rather than complaining about her situation, she was describing the faithfulness of God and explaining the numerous ways He had provided for her and her children.

Over the past three months, Tumaini na Afya (Hope & Health) has engaged in a battle we did not set out to fight. What started as an isolated situation of two little ones failing to thrive has repeated itself multiple times. In a way that I have never seen before in Kipkaren, there are starving children. Compassion has compelled us to respond with action. We are investing nourishing food and lots of love into lethargic and wasted bodies. It is amazing how quickly these children come back to life. They regain their appetites and begin to play again.

I greatly value the mission of Empowering Lives that urges us to move beyond relief and handouts to develop long lasting empowerment within the communities that we serve. Experience has taught us that this takes place one life at a time and does not occur overnight. Our goal is to see lives transformed: physically, emotionally and spiritually. A wise Chinese proverb states, "Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish; and you have fed him for a lifetime." I humbly add; in the meantime, it is necessary to share what you have. When Jesus was confronted with hungry people, he had compassion on them and told the disciples: "They don't need to go away. You give them something to eat." The resources they had were a mere five loaves of bread and two fish; but when surrendered to Jesus, it met the needs of a multitude (Matthew 14:15-21).

I wanted to update you on the three year old little girl, Flovia, I have been sharing about. Two weeks ago she moved from the clinic and has found a new home at our children's home. She is doing very well. I am grateful to all who have been praying on her behalf. There is a new little girl I am working with named Chiri. She is four years old and weighs only 17 pounds. She has, along with her little brother and sister, entered my heart. I am praying for life to be restored to this little one.

Where is God?

2008-06-27T00:11:00.000-07:00

Where is God in a world so full of unspeakable pain? This question was posed on the back cover of a book I was reading as I waited for the funeral of a seven year old girl to begin. It was a question I was asking as I felt the loss of this beautiful little girl named Viola. In a two week period of time, she was the second child our community was gathering together to bury. In my spirit, I was wrestling with harsh realities and great sadness. Viola died from a preventable and treatable disease.
A few days ago, a 17 year old, single mother gave us her three month old baby. This precious little girl, weighing only seven pounds, was unable to defend herself. She was unable to speak for herself except for her brown eyes that pierced my heart. Her mother was overwhelmed with the burdens of life. She grew up in a home where her single mother sold herself to feed her children. The cycle is now being repeated. This baby, appropriately named Grace, was accepted at a children’s home about an hour away from Kipkaren. When we arrived at the children’s home, the director said, “Where is the unwanted child?” His wife, who was holding the baby, quickly replied by speaking these life-giving words to the baby: “You are wanted. Listen to me. I want you.” I cannot help but ache for this young mother who remains without hope. My heart also aches for her other daughter, Ivy, who at two years old is blind, deaf, mute, and lame. Where is God in a world so full of unspeakable pain?
My little Flovia, the severely malnourished three year old I have written about before, has been with us for the past two and a half months and is thriving. She has brought me more joy than I can describe. She has increased from 14 lbs. to 22 lbs. She has relearned to walk and loves to play with her little baby doll. She now has the energy to throw major temper-tantrums and is incredibly particular about everything. Honestly, she could not be more lovely. She is learning to speak in multiple languages and calls everyone who cares for her “Mama.” This is who we are to her. The odds are stacked against this orphaned, HIV+ child; and the question, once again, resurfaces: Where is God? The truth is, as in every situation above, He is right in the middle of the pain. Closer than I know, He is grieving with the mother who has lost her child. His loving kindness is pursuing this teenage mom that is broken-hearted and without hope. He is fighting and giving a voice to the abandoned baby and helpless orphans.
In my life, I am finding that the closer I get to God the closer I get to the suffering. Never has the contrast between joy and pain been as real to me as it is now. It seems it should be either one or the other. However, in this land joy and pain coexist. I walk and play with barefooted children each day. I listen to orphans sing, “The Lord is my portion in the land of the living. The Lord is good forevermore.” The sun rises and sets each day reminding me that the Lord is faithful. I do not always feel His presence, but I have learned to trust that there is a share of mercy that is enough for everything that will be encountered this day.

Felix

2008-06-03T00:12:00.000-07:00

For us in Kipkaren, the last few days have been full of great sorrow and loss as our little Felix, one of the two malnourished children we have been caring for, passed away on Sunday morning. Felix was only 14 months old. He had finally increased in weight and had gained the strength to hold up his own head. About a week ago, I was blessed as I sat and played with Felix and heard the sound of his laughter. It was beautiful. He was beautiful with his big brown eyes that always seemed to be asking questions. When I held him, he would often touch my face with his tiny little hand. To say the least, he had captured my heart. On Wednesday, a pastor had come to pray for both Felix and Flovia. After praying, the pastor laid Felix down and said, "I'm looking at the image of God." For sure, it was true.
On Friday evening, Felix suddenly fell very ill with a high fever. He was struggling to breathe. We rushed him to a hospital about an hour away, and he remained there with his mother until he passed away. In his short life, Felix fought a very tough fight against HIV and tuberculosis. I think he just got tired and needed to rest. My heart aches as I longed to see him live. My heart aches for his 18 year old mother who has experienced so much loss. Her name is Emily, and I ask you to pray for her. Imagine, she is 18 and a widow. Her husband passed away in November from an AIDS related illness. It was at this time that Emily learned that, after only one year of marriage, she and her son were also infected with HIV. She was left alone to raise her son as well as the two orphans from her husband's first marriage. I met Emily a few days after the burial of her husband; and over these past months, she has become so dear to me. When I look at her, I see a girl with the heavy weight of the world crushing her and stealing all of her dreams. Oh, how I long to see what has been lost restored. Only God can do it. Jesus has entrusted us to be His hands and feet to Emily; and for the sake of love, we will do it with all of our hearts.
I am so grateful for the love of God. He gave me eyes to see beyond Felix's broken and wasted body. I was privileged to hold a child of the King whose worth was beyond measure.

The Kingdom.

2008-05-14T00:13:00.000-07:00

There are moments when it is so clear- things aren’t as they were meant to be. I have had a few of those this week.
I was asked to visit the home of a 17 years old girl with uncontrolled Type 1 Diabetes. She had been seen in a nearby clinic, but the physician was concerned about her home situation and whether she was getting food and the insulin she needed. For the past year, Emily has been blind and completely dependent upon others for her care. Her grandmother was her primary caretaker as both of her parents are struggling with alcoholism, but she recently passed away. After a forty-five minute drive on our bumpy roads, our Tumaini na Afya team arrived to the home.
Immediately I began to hear crying, a cry of brokenness coming from the home. It was Emily. She was alone and was in great pain. She was broken-hearted. Although we had never met before, she began to share her burdens that she was hungry and felt helpless. She said, “if only I could see, I could go and look for food.” In my spirit I believe that God had us arrive at that very moment- allowing us to hear the cries of His child, the cries that He alone has heard and that have broken His heart.
Curious neighbors filled the home, and I saw a 20 year old girl who was mentally disabled crawling on the floor. She was child-like, unable to speak or control her body movements. But she was precious. Emily explained that this girl was her sister and that the little boy standing beside her, who was wearing only a ragged t-shirt, was her sister’s child. I felt my jaw drop as anger and disgust filled me. About this time, Emily’s mother came into the house. She looked tired, deeply burdened. She lifted the little boy and put him to his mother’s breast. She wasn’t able to hold the baby herself. When he was finished eating, someone else lifted him.
We began to pray. There was so much darkness. The family was entangled in poverty, disease, alcoholism, and hunger. Unsure of how to respond but convinced that we must intervene, we prayed and left. Deeply moved, the images I had just seen and the sound of Emily’s cries filled me.
After prayer and further consideration, we decided to bring Emily home. She needs to be fed, treated and loved. One goal is to get her stable enough to go for cataract surgery so that her sight can be restored. Although the situation feels beyond repair, I believe that God will break through this darkness. I desire to see the love of Christ transform this home.
All that is broken will one day be restored. I live in this hope and long for that day; but for now, there is a Kingdom with a King whose mission is to bind up broken hearts. And there is a broken heart named Emily. I ask for you to pray that we would have wisdom in this situation and that deep healing will come. Thank you.
I also wanted to update you that our two little malnourished babies, Flovia and Felix, are doing well.

Love costs.

2008-04-15T00:19:00.000-07:00

Love will cause you to be uncomfortable but is always worth what it costs. This truth has become a reoccurring theme throughout my life. This past week, I encountered the uncomfortable part again as I walked away from a couple of heartbreaking home-visits where I met with two of our HIV+ children who were deteriorating quickly from severe malnutrition. I knew something needed to be done, and love would require action. Attempts to provide food and support to the families had been implemented, but the children were failing to grow. Both children were in need of intensive care. As Mother Teresa said, “It is very important for us to realize that love, to be true, has to hurt. I must be willing to give whatever it takes not to harm other people and, in fact, to do good to them. This requires that I be willing to give until it hurts. Otherwise there is no true love in me and I bring injustice, not peace, to those around me”.
The first little boy is named Felix; and although he is one year old, he is the size of a newborn. He weighs a mere 10 lbs. and is unable to lift up his head or sit up. He has big brown eyes that are constantly looking around the room. In November, Felix’s father passed away from complications related to HIV/AIDS leaving his mother as a widow at the age of 18. She is also living with HIV and trying to raise Felix and two orphans from her husband’s first marriage. Needless to say, the situation is full of challenges and Felix is failing to thrive.
The second visit was to that of a little 2 ½ years old girl named Flovia. In December of 2006, Flovia’s single mother died leaving her to be raised by her grandmother. She barely weighs 13 lbs. and is no longer strong enough to walk. She, like Felix, is very developmentally delayed and regressing as time continues. Weak and frustrated, she is irritable much of the time. As I sat outside her mud hut, I saw classic signs indicative of severe malnutrition. I knew that, without immediate action, this child would not survive.
In response to the needs before us, our Tumaini na Afya team, in collaboration with the children’s families, chose to create a temporary shelter for these little ones to get the attention they are desperately needing. We are feeding them every two hours with a special formula.
developed by the World Health Organization and loving them as they so deserve to be loved.
I have just come from playing with Flovia. In the past two years of visiting her home, I have never seen her smile; but tonight, she laughed. I cannot tell you the way it touched my heart. She played peek-a-boo and was blowing kisses. She is feeding well and the swelling in her legs has decreased. She has begun to wave her little hand and say “bye”. Although my mom always used to tell me that I should say “see you later” rather than “good-bye”; for the moment, “bye” has become my favorite word.
The journey ahead for both Felix and Flovia will be long and will call for hard work and love. It costs sleep. It needs patience and commitment. It involves getting dirty. It will undoubtedly require us, at times, to be uncomfortable. But the love, which we have in Christ, will bear all things, hope all things, believe all things, and endure all things. And no matter what may come, it will never fail.
Your prayers for Felix and Flovia, as well as our entire Tumaini na Afya team, are requested and greatly appreciated.
House-to-house HIV testing.
I also wanted to share with you about an exciting and challenging HIV awareness initiative that we are preparing to launch in June. We are partnering with AMPATH, the local HIV treatment center, to do house-to-house HIV testing within our division. Tumaini na Afya will be mobilizing people within villages to receive HIV testing within their homes. The population we are trying to reach nears 120,000. If this project succeeds, AMPATH’s goal is to test 2 million people living in Western Kenya in the next two years. Again, I request your prayers. There are many battles to be fought and won.

The divide.

2008-04-04T00:14:00.000-07:00

This morning I walked the simple paths of this village. I visited the homes of two single mothers – one, I had never met before while the other is a dear friend of mine. These women’s life experiences are not so different from one another, but I was struck by the huge divide in which they live. Their houses are both comprised of the same mud and sticks. Each would, by anyone’s standards, be considered financially poor. They both have their own story of disappointment and rejection by their families. With all of these similarities, the difference between them is like night and day. You see, one has hope.
To reach the first home, I walked through corn fields and crossed the river by balancing across a log bridge. I met a young 27 year old mother of five daughters who, simply put, is struggling to survive. ELI was introduced to this mama when she brought her four year old daughter to our clinic. The child was on the verge of starvation. Even several weeks after intense treatment, her protruding abdomen and stick thin extremities tell of her malnourishment. Even more than her physical condition, I was broken by her blank stare. God only knows all that this little one has faced, but she has completely withdrawn. Two of the other little girls, under the age of five, also had evidence of severe malnutrition. As I sat in this little mud hut, I looked at the sparse grass on the roof and wondered how this mama and her little ones stay dry when it rains and how they sleep with mosquitoes buzzing by their heads. I wondered what this mama’s motivation is to wake up each morning. The truth is, she explained, that when she brought her dying child to the clinic she had lost all hope. In this incredibly difficult situation, I am thankful to be a part of this ELI ministry team that seeks to put compassion into action and that does not sit back when confronted with the suffering of God’s children.
The second home, in contrast, was like a breath of fresh air. A lady, who once was a prostitute and is currently living with HIV/AIDS, glowed as she welcomed me to her home. Her physical struggles are present, but she has a friendship with God that is extravagant. She shared about the ways God is teaching her that He is great. She repeated it over and again: Our God is great. As I listened, it was not like she was trying to convince herself or impress me. She said she had been reading stories in the Bible about God showing up to fight for His people. She explained that countless times He has been her help. As she spoke, I was reminded of the scandalous story in the Bible when the prostitute came to Jesus. She was broken and weeping, but she came and worshipped at the feet of Jesus with her tears and a costly bottle of fragrant oil. After much criticism, Jesus replied to the accusers: “You gave me no kiss, but this woman has not ceased to kiss my feet since the time I came in . . . Therefore, I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little. Then he said to her, ‘Your sins are forgiven.’” (Luke 7:45-48). My friend, who walks in the freedom of forgiveness, has learned to love much.

Easter

2008-03-21T00:15:00.000-07:00

“Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” These are the
words Jesus spoke to his friends as he prepared to go to the cross. The
most grueling and terrifying death imaginable awaited him, but he
sought to comfort his followers. He wanted to reassure them that he
was not leaving them as orphans. Although they did not understand, he
spoke of a Comforter who would be sent and of a peace, unlike the
world gives, that would be available to them. Oh, how he loved them.
This week, as we remember the sacrifice Jesus made for each of us, I
had the opportunity to break away from normal life in the village to rest
in the Kakamega rainforest. I took time to reflect upon these past few
months of life and to debrief and relax with dear friends. There has
been great loss and disappointment. But there has also been evidence
of God’s faithfulness. Calm has returned, and we continue to pray for
deep peace.
On Wednesday morning, I sat in the middle of the forest and watched
the monkeys play and listened to the birds sing. Thoughts raced
through my head, and my heart felt troubled. Surrounded by the giant
trees, I felt small. I needed to hear these gentle words: “Let not your
heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” As I did, I felt release. I was
quieted. I chose to let go of the many things I cannot control and to
trust the loving‐kindness of Jesus.
May the words of Jesus confront and quiet you with his love.

Congo Update

2008-03-05T00:17:00.000-08:00

Congo Update.
I returned to Kipkaren on Saturday from my journey to Bukavu, Congo DRC with my heart both broken and encouraged by the paths walked, the faces encountered, and the stories shared. Mudekereza, ELI Congo’s Director, met me at the airport in Kigali, Rwanda to accompany me on a six hour bus ride through winding roads. As we traveled, he shared about his life and family, the wars that have plagued his country for the past decade, and of the dream he has to see the people of his homeland live empowered lives. He apologized for his English (although it was excellent) explaining it was his fifth of five languages spoken. Never the less, from the time we met, it was evident that this man who barely stands five feet in height is a giant in faith, vision, and leadership.
Over the next week, he led me through the slums he calls home. I walked down steep paths to find ELI’s school. It truly was like a bright light in the midst of darkness as 545 children have received the opportunity to go to school to be fed
physically and spiritually. As I arrived at the school, I was welcomed with singing and dancing children. Flower petals of brilliant colors were thrown at my feet as a beautiful expression of their hospitality.
Immediately I was taken to the kitchen where a group of women were preparing porridge for the children. For most, this cup of porridge is their only source of food for the day. It was incredibly humbling to watch hungry kids wait in line
for food, but it was also an honor to be able to serve them. When the little girl, with big brown eyes, said “merci” (thank you) with a sincerity that is impossible to explain, it became a holy moment.
Sunday morning, I piled into a vehicle with seven of Mudekereza’s eight children and drove down the road which has so many pot holes that it basically is ONE LARGE pot hole. We arrived at the church, again at the top of a steep hillside and
trudged down muddy slopes to enter a small brick building sheltered with iron sheets. A humble room was filled with about forty people; and for the next three hours, God’s sweet presence ministered to my tired, broken spirit. Rhythmic
songs with beautiful melodies resonated as they were presented as offerings of praise. Without comprehension, tears filled my eyes. I sat still and was blessed by this group of worshippers. With nothing else to give, they offered their
lives. Again, it was a holy moment.
Over the next few days, I attended meetings, visited HIV clinics and discussed the possibilities of implementing HIV testing and general treatment for the children at ELI’s school as well as the surrounding community.
After waking up twice to strong earthquakes one night, I read the words of
Psalm 46. These words spoke to me, reminding me of God’s power and
compassion all at once. With all the political unrest in Kenya, the past couple
of months have felt like a series of disappointments, scary unknowns, and
constant danger. As the earth moved underneath me, I needed God to remind
me that He is my refuge, that He is present in the midst of all these troubles. I
needed to know that God was in my midst and that he would help me. I
needed to be still and know that He is God. So, I am grateful for His words that
gave me courage to trust Him once more.
I thank God for the opportunity to see the ministry that is taking place in
Bukavu and look forward to returning as God leads.

Loss.
In my last update, I shared about a six year old boy named Elvis who was
suffering from a brain tumor. On Wednesday night, while staying in Nairobi, I
received a call around 10:30 p.m. from Mama Elvis. She had traveled the eight
hour drive to Nairobi with Elvis the previous week for him to receive radiation
therapy at the national hospital in Kenya. She called because Elvis had just
passed away.
Separated from her family, she had no money to pay the hospital bill and no
idea of how to get her son's little body home. It was impossible for her to
grieve as she had to simply survive. When she called me, in a very small way, I
felt the hopelessness of this mother. I asked God to make a way for her.
Thursday morning I met Mama Elvis at the hospital and began the long,
arduous process of getting the hospital bill paid, buying a coffin, hiring a car to
drive them to Eldoret, waiting in five separate lines at the mortuary, and
finally picking this precious little one's body to send him home to be buried. I
do not understand these situations, but I do thank God for His provision and
favor in this difficult situation. I thank God for the privilege to grieve with this
mother (not because I particularly enjoy grieving), but God’s compassion and
mercy filled me when it was needed. Mama Elvis traveled safely to her home
and was able to bury her child properly, with her family beside her to support
her.
Thank you for praying for this mother and family as they mourn their loss. I
am grateful for God’s promise that He will comfort those who mourn.
Kenya Update.
I received the SWEET news on Thursday that an agreement was signed
between President Kibaki and Raila. Rather than having mass action and more
destruction, which had been called for, Kenya received breakthrough. It was
the first step in the right direction; and for it, I am so grateful. When only a
miracle would do, God gave us one. People, all over the country, are now
wishing each other a “Happy New Year.” I pray that God’s peace will fill this
land. Thank you for your continued prayers.

Beauty for Ashes

2008-02-12T00:23:00.000-08:00

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,

to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,

and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.

Isaiah 61:1-3

Over the past month, the words beauty instead of ashes, have resonated within my head. Ashes are currently all that can be seen throughout the land of Kenya. The controversial presidential election sparked violent reactions leaving over 1000 people dead and nearly 300,000 internally displaced. There are many contributing factors, but the outcome is ashes. Lives destroyed. Homes burned. Communities destroyed. Neighbors divided. So much has been lost. All who love this land feel this loss deeply. Currently, mediation talks are taking place between President Kibaki and the Opposition leader, Raila. We, in Kipkaren, are praying for a resolution for the political crisis. We are praying for good to over come evil. In hope, we are awaiting the beauty that will be as peace and justice are restored to this land. We believe that, as God’s children, we have a necessary role to play in this Kingdom which shares good news to the poor, binds up broken hearts, proclaims freedom to those who have been in prisons of all kinds, provides for those who grieve… The ashes will be replaced. Please continue to pray for Kenya.

I went to visit my dear friend Betty today. I have been visiting her daily as she undergoes an intensive therapy for the treatment of recurrent TB. Today, I gave her the 36th of 60 shots she is to receive. The process she is undergoing takes perseverance; and yet, in spite of her physical sufferings, her faith continues to be a source of encouragement to me. When I reached her home, I felt overwhelmed by the needs that surround. This past weekend, our team buried one of our clients, and we have felt his loss. A young orphan girl, whose mother had been one of my patients, came this morning requesting fees so that she will be able to attend school. Then I received a phone call that another one of my patients had grown very sick and needed to be taken to the hospital. He is in the painful process of dying of AIDS. Then, I received another call explaining that the CT scan of a little boy named Elvis revealed his brain tumor is back. He is only five years old. His mother does not know how she will afford to go to the specialist in Nairobi. So, by the time I reached Betty’s home, I needed to hear her words: “Mungu anaweza” God is able. I needed to hear her sing, in Swahili, the old hymn that says “The great Physician now is near, the sympathizing Jesus.” She said, “Juli, Jesus is always near.” Her words were refreshing to my heart. I ask for your prayers for our health ministry as we, one life at a time, seek to love with the love of Jesus. May we never grow tired in doing good.

On Friday, I will be traveling to the Congo for one week to attend some meetings pertaining to ELI’s HIV program in the city of Bukavu. I am looking forward to meeting our national team in Congo and visiting ELI’s school in the slum that provides education and food for 600 children. Please pray for God’s peace and protection to cover me as I travel

Blessings

2008-01-25T00:25:00.000-08:00

I cannot express what it means to know that people are standing with me in prayer as Kenya continues to walk this difficult journey of political unrest. For me, the issue I am really praying about is the idea of calm vs. peace. Like so much of the world, Kenya is used to living in calm but not peace. I do not want to simply return to the "calm" where we put up with one another (although it feels much nicer). There are deep issues of hatred between tribes that unless/until they are addressed will continue to resurface. In the midst of this evil, I believe that God is trying to reveal His heart for this place, for His people. There is a deep cleansing that needs to occur. So, we continue to pray. I wanted to share these reflections from an experience I had this past week...

Like so many other Friday’s, I went to the HIV/AIDS clinic this morning to treat patients. Like any other day, people walked to the clinic or were carried on the back of bicycles. They waited in the open air corridors of the clinic to be treated. One man arrived critically ill and desperately needed to be referred to a larger hospital just one hour away; but unlike other days, there was no vehicle to take him. The road towards town contains blockades as the post-election violence continues. So, the possibility of extending treatment or even relief to this dying man seemed impossible. Rachel, the Health Practitioner I was working with, unwilling to give up asked if I would go on a walk with her. I agreed, and we walked a few hundred meters up a large hill to the police station to request them to escort this man to the hospital. As we were walking, a group of women, displaced from their homes, greeted us. They explained that it had really been raining upon them over the past few days, and they asked her for her white lab coat. She responded that she still needed it for work.

I was not prepared for the sights I was about to see. A mere ten miles from my village I entered a refugee camp. As I reached the top of the hill, I was greeted by a lady who I used to eat in her little restaurant. With tears in her eyes, she said: “welcome to our refugee camp.” I looked into the faces of hungry and dirty children. They were playing in the middle of their refuge amongst 20,000 others who had been chased as their homes were burned to the ground. I recognized others I have treated as patients at the HIV clinic. A deep sadness entered my heart. Tears filled my eyes, and I feared if I allowed them to flow they might not ever stop. I talked with a little girl, and she asked me where I was from. I told her that I lived in Kipkaren; and she simply replied, “me too”. The only difference is that her home is no longer. She is struggling, along with 300,000 others who have been displaced within their own homeland, to survive. It is hard to imagine the kind of politics, the tribal hatred that could lead to this injustice.

After arrangements had been made with the police for transporting our patient, we started back down the hill. A little girl, maybe six years old, was carrying water on her head as she climbed the hill. Her name, Upendo (which means love in Kiswahili), struck me. She represents all that we have been called to do as followers of Christ. Overwhelmed by the devastation of this land, I remembered these instructions that say: “Open your mouth for the speechless, in the cause of all who are appointed to die. Open your mouth, judge righteously, and plead the cause of the poor and the needy” (Proverbs 31:8-9).

And then it began to rain. It was not a light, gentle drizzle but a big rain. For a moment, in a small way, I felt their struggles. This may seem obvious; but without a shelter to enter, it is cold and wet when it rains. Without food to eat, hunger is felt. Without peace, there is no rest. As we walked through the rain, Rachel said: “now I know why they needed my coat.” I am convinced, although uncomfortable, there are times we need to know. I recently came across this prayer that has challenged, once again, my view of what it means to be blessed.

May God bless you with discomfort

At easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships

So that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with tears

To shed for those who suffer pain, rejections, hunger and war,

So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them

And to turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness

To believe that you can make a difference in the world

So that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

To bring justice and kindness to all.

So, I am opening my mouth on behalf of those without a voice. God has shown us what is good and what is required. We are to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with Him. May God lead our hearts to love more fully and to follow Him wherever He leads.

Mountain Climbing

2008-01-15T00:26:00.000-08:00

Jacob Kyungai, a mountain guide to Kilimanjaro said: "Kilimanjaro is a place where ordinary people come to do something extraordinary, to leave their lives and stand in a place between heaven and earth, a magical place in the Africa of their dreams." To begin the year, I journeyed to the mountain, to the highest point in Africa. Within a few days, I climbed through the lush rainforest to the moorland to the high desert and peaked to the summit which lies at 19,340 feet. So many times throughout the Bible, people went to the mountains to meet with God. This is what I desired and desperately needed.
On December 27th, Kenya held its presidential election. Inconsistencies in the counting and reporting of the ballots as well as delays in announcing the results left many people unnerved. After several days of waiting, it was announced that the incumbent president was reelected. Many people, especially the youth, had been promised change by the opposition candidate and began to respond violently by looting, burning homes and buildings and even churches. Neighbor began to fight neighbor based on tribal differences and political lines. To this point, nearly 600 people have lost their lives and over 300,000 men, women and children have been displaced from their homes. As I climbed Mt Kilimanjaro, I lifted my eyes to the mountain to where my help comes from. With each step, I prayed for this broken land of Kenya that I love so much. I let go of what I could not control and asked God to intervene.
At midnight, on the fourth day of trekking, I began the ascent to the summit. Already breathless and exhausted at camp, which lies just over fifteen thousand feet, I wondered whether I would make it to the top of this majestic mountain. Along with thirteen others in our group, I journeyed step by step through the darkness and cold. I could only see as far as the step in front of me; and as I prayed, I felt like God was saying: “This is what life is like. You can only see the step in which you are taking, but I can see it all. The path is steep and you feel as if you will fall, but I am walking with you. Even though you are tired, if you will keep taking the next step, you will make it to the mountain top.”
As I consider life and the troubles that are faced within this world, I am grateful for God’s word that settles my heart saying: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by your name; you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you” (Isaiah 43:1-2). After nearly eight hours of simply taking the next step, the sun rose beautifully and I stood on the roof of Africa.
As I climbed the mountain of Kilimanjaro, God was with me. As I sit in my village threatened by hatred and injustice, it feels as if we are climbing another mountain. It is difficult to see one step in front of us, but God is with us. As I stood last night with a friend, she shared about her family’s home being burned to the ground because of the tribe she was born into. Not one material thing remained spared from the ashes, but she said that God had been gracious to her and protected each member of her family from injury. She expressed that God has walked each step with her during this difficult journey. Please continue to pray for this nation that justice and peace will be restored and a deep healing might begin.
ELI has created an emergency fund to address all of the current needs that have surfaced because of the crisis. If you or anyone you know would like to give towards this fund, they can mail a check to our office (PO Box 67 Upland, CA 91785) and earmark it for the “Kenya emergency fund.”
Going Home
On December 23rd, my Kenyan family and I filled our ambulance with 18 people full and headed out to visit several of our neighbors in need. We took boxes of food and small gifts to celebrate the birth of Christ together. One of our visits was to the home of my dear friend Hannah. Like so many times before, she was laying outside her house on a blanket. She welcomed us and we sat together and sang the words “What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and grief to bear. What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer.” It is a moment impressed within my heart. Although Hannah’s body had been destroyed by a tumor, her spirit was beautifully alive. Four days later, I returned to her home and learned that she had passed away. She had gone to be with her God that she loved so faithfully. I wrote these lyrics, in honor of my friend. I believe this was Hannah’s song:
In this darkness, I have seen your face.
In my brokenness, I’ve felt your embrace.
Though all fades away, I have found a place.
In the shadowlands, I’m covered by grace.
Thank you Jesus for following me.
All of my life, your tender-mercies.
Have been my hope. They have set me free.
This, my miracle, I’m loved completely.
In this valley, the path is unclear.
I shall not want. I shall not fear.
My cup overflows. Your Presence is near.
What are the whisperings that I do hear?
O Love, is it you? Raise me from the ashes.
O Love, is it you? Healing my disease.
O Love, is it you? Whose covered my shame.
O Love, it is you- Calling me by name.
I’m going home.
CONTACT

Kenya Unrest

2008-01-10T00:29:00.000-08:00

I am not sure how many of you received the following email update I sent a few days back... I have received many emails expressing concern over all that is taking place in Kenya right now. I want to say thank you for your much needed prayers and for your willingness to assist in this humanitarian crisis.
I returned to Kipkaren yesterday in the afternoon. It is good to be back home with my Kenyan family. We are trusting God for peace to return to this land. I ask that you continue to pray in the following ways:
- The President of Ghana is currently leading mediations between President Kibaki and the Opposition leader Raila Odinga. Pray for resolution that will be just and the best solution for the people of Kenya.
- The Church of Kenya will stand united- fighting for justice, loving mercy, walking humbly with God.
- Parliament, which is largely divided, is set to open on this coming Tuesday. Please pray for peace.
- There is much healing and reconciliation that needs to occur within communities. Only God can break down the divides between tribes.
- Thousands of families have been displaced. Please pray for safety as they seek refuge until the government decides what to do next. Major relief is needed in the forms of food, medications, blankets, etc.
- Schools are scheduled to re-open on January 15th. Please pray for the safety of these children as they return to school. In addition, please pray for the thousands of displaced children who will not be able to return to school.
- Please pray for continued safety of our 182 children in the children's homes in Kipkaren and Ilula as well as the staff who will be returning to the training centers.
-For those who are HIV+ and displaced, please pray that they will be able to continue with their antiretrovirals, that drug resistance will not develop and that they will be able to get proper nutrition.

Again, I thank you for standing with Kenya in this difficult season. ELI has created an emergency fund to address all of the current needs that have surfaced because of the crisis. If you or anyone you know would like to give towards this fund, they can mail a check to our office (PO Box 67 Upland, CA 91785) and earmark it for the “Kenya emergency fund.”

If you are interested in reading more, I have attached an article from the New York Times that was written by a Kenyan. I think it explains some of the complexities of the situation well.

With much love, Juli

No Country for Old Hatreds
By BINYAVANGA WAINAINA

Published: January 6, 2008

Nairobi, Kenya

THIS thing called Kenya is a strange animal. In the 1960s, the bright young nationalists who took over the country when we got independence from the British believed that their first job was to eradicate “tribalism.” What they really meant, in a way, was that they wanted to eradicate the nations that made up Kenya. It was assumed that the process would end with the birth of a brand-new being: the Kenyan.

Compared with other African nations, Kenya has had significant success with this experiment. But it has not been without its contradictions, though they had never really turned lethal until now.

Our Kenyan identity, so deliberately formed in the test tube of nationalist effort, has over the years been undermined, subtly and not so subtly, by our leaders — men who appealed to our histories and loyalties to win our votes.

You see, the burning houses and the bloody attacks here do not reflect primordial hatreds. They reflect the manipulation of identity for political gain.

So what was different about this election? What brought Kenya’s equilibrium to an end?

Five years ago, we voted for a broad and nationally representative government. Inside this vehicle were the country’s major tribes: the Luo, the Luhya, the Kikuyu, many Kalenjin — all the people now killing one another.

We wanted this arrangement to quickly introduce a new and more inclusive Constitution, deal firmly with corruption and start a process of defining the nation in terms that include everybody.

Tragically, President Mwai Kibaki instead steered a course away from the coalition and cultivated the support of his Kikuyu community. He did a good job rebuilding the civil service and managing the economy, but he did it within a framework that was not sustainable.

When it came time to conduct our most recent election, Raila Odinga had built a movement on the back of President Kibaki’s betrayal of the spirit of 2002. His political party, the Orange Democratic Movement, was the big ethnic tent similar to the one that had first brought President Kibaki to office.

On the day we cast our vote, we thought that our optimism and desire for an inclusive and broad government would prevail. Instead, three days later — after reports that votes were being “cooked” in Kikuyu strongholds, after skirmishes in the room where the results were being announced, after the news media were ejected — Mr. Kibaki was announced the winner and a haphazard swearing-in took place. And Kenya exploded.

Mr. Odinga and President Kibaki are not really ethnic leaders, but in the days since the disputed election they have stoked tribal paranoia and used it to cement electoral loyalty.

Mr. Odinga and his fellow party leaders are now determined to avenge the wrong they believe they have suffered. Sadly, this leadership now appears to believe that the violence spreading across the country might be a valuable bargaining chip.

My further suspicion is that Mr. Odinga wants to sell to Kenyans and the world a sort of Ukrainian “people’s revolution” — where protesters take to the streets and change the order of things, and are seen to be throwing happy pink petals on television, so America can say, ah, the people have spoken.

But rather than matters leading to a popular but peaceful uprising against a flawed election, we are likelier to suffer an escalation of retaliations and a descent to that special machete place that nations rarely recover from.

Yet all is not lost. Nations are built on crises like this. If there is such a thing as Kenya, it should be gathering energy right now. Two leaders can sit down, form a power-sharing agreement and put together a system to handle elections and transition. A Constitution that names and recognizes the tribal nations within our nation, that decentralizes some power and that includes us all in the process is possible.

For 40 years we have been dancing around each other, a gaseous nation circling and tightening. The moment is now to make a solid thing called Kenya.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/06/opinion/06wainaina.html?ex=1200286800&en=d44006ed2ffc41e5&ei=5070&emc=eta1

Hannah

2007-12-27T00:31:00.000-08:00

I went this morning to visit my dear friend Hannah. Over the past few months, I have shared several times about Hannah’s resilient spirit. In the midst of great suffering and pain, she encouraged me time and again with her love and faith. This morning, as I approached her home, I received the news that she had just passed away. I heard the cries of mourners and watched as a community gathered to support a family in their loss. Hannah was a wife, mother, grandmother, friend, and teacher to all of what it means to know and love God. Her body had been destroyed by disease but her spirit, even until her death, was full of trust in her God.

In a recent visit, Hannah and I discussed that Jesus was preparing a place for us in Heaven where there would be no more tears, pain or death. I told her that if she reached Heaven first to go and greet our Father for me, and she assured me that she would. Again, as she had done before, she looked at me with compassion and told me not to worry. She said that God was taking care of us.

On behalf of Hannah’s family, I say thank you for the prayers you have prayed. They were heard and answered. I have no doubt she is resting sweetly with our Lord. But for those of us who are left behind, especially for Hannah’s family, there is a great void. Please continue to pray for God’s peace and comfort to overflow.

2007-12-05T00:32:00.000-08:00

I wanted to share with you a story from my weekend....

I must confess that sitting still for long periods of time is not one of my strengths. This is unfortunate because Kenyans (at least in my village) are extremely good at doing just this. In church services, weddings, burials, or gatherings of any kind, it is not unusual for them to last between four and six hours. Coming together, without being in a hurry, is an integral part of this community. We gather to experience life with our neighbors, family, and friends. We laugh, cry, share stories, eat, etc. It is as if to say, we do not have many material resources to give; but for the day, we are able to give of our time and of ourselves to be fully present to one another. Yesterday, I went to one of these gatherings; and unlike many of my previous experiences, I sat and was engaged in the moment--for several hours.

In 2003, a single mother of six passed away from HIV/AIDS in this community. Her name was Selina. She owned no land and had nothing materially to leave her children. At her burial, her three grown children, along with other family members, did not feel they were able to take on the burden of raising the three younger children--Jane, Shadrach and Caroline. After the ceremony ended, one by one, everyone left; leaving three children to not only grieve the loss of their mother but to have no clue what would be the future of their own lives. David Tarus, director of ELI Kenya, was at the burial. He saw this desperate situation and was moved with compassion. He told these wondering children, “let’s go home.” This reality was the beginning of his vision for a children’s home for orphans. Four years later, there are nearly 200 orphans in ELI Children’s Homes and many others within the community that are under our care. Each have a story of loss and hope interwoven together.

Yesterday, the community gathered to officially open the house of Jane, Shadrach and Caroline. Jane completed high school this past year and is employed within the kitchen at the ELI Children’s Home. Shadrach will be entering his senior year of high school. He has a dream to one day be a pilot. Caroline is entering sixth grade at ELI’s Brook of Faith Academy. We gathered to bless these children who are growing up. It was a day to remember God’s faithfulness. He did not forget to hear their cries. His love has enabled us not to forget either. Their simple home represents so much more than mud and sticks. It is evidence of a future and a hope for three children. We practiced true religion, and I believe it moved the heart of God. We cried many tears, but there was also much thanksgiving and joy within our hearts. It was the first time, since the burial of their mother, that Selina’s six children were reunited. What HIV stole from them was so great. It killed their mother, but it also caused them to scatter from one another in fear. When they needed each other the most, they had failed one another. But on this day, I witnessed a deep forgiveness begin.

Throughout the day, the words of Psalm 40 resounded in my heart: “I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined to me and heard my cry. He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay. He set my feet upon a rock and established my steps. He put a new song in my mouth- Praise for our God.”

Evidences that this world is broken are everywhere. I thank God for the five hours I sat and was reminded that there is nothing that the compassion of Christ cannot restore.

The Gap

2007-11-06T00:36:00.000-08:00

It wasn't even 7 am yet, but the line of people outside of my house reminded me of the gap between what is and what should be. One man introduced himself and explained he had walked several miles to meet with me. He shared of struggles in his family and his challenge to pay his children's school fees. Another told of a sick person needing treatment who was unable to afford it. The third explained that he needed advice in how to deal with some challenges. As I walked away, I began to pray. Rather than allow the burdens to overwhelm me, I asked God for His perspective. I didn't have the answers or solutions to these problems, but I knew that God was present. So, I asked Him to show me how to live this day, to love with a love that is greater than myself.

Later this morning, I arrived to the training center and began to tabulate the results from our Tumaini na Afya (Hope & Health) AIDS Awareness Campaign that was held on Saturday. It was an amazing day. A couple thousand people attended and just over 800 people learned their HIV status. Although a majority of the people who tested were men, 95% of those who tested positive were young women. This revealing, once again, not that women are more promiscuous than men but simply more vulnerable. Yesterday I visited a young 20 year old widow of two weeks named Emily whose story represents this so clearly. She married her husband only a year ago. He had worked as a truck driver along the trans-African highway. His first wife had died in 2002 leaving behind two children. Emily learned that she was HIV+ several months ago while she was pregnant. Unfortunately, she did not receive treatment and breastfed her baby. As I sat and listened to her share her story, I was deeply saddened. HIV has stolen and destroyed the lives of too many in this young family. Once more, I didn't know how to comfort this grieving lady; but I prayed to the only One who is able to restore hope to the hopeless.

Things are not as they were meant to be. I know this quite well. But I also know that God is with us. These lyrics, written by Tommy Walker, that say "Sweet Jesus come. Sweet Jesus come. Sweet Jesus come to me. Come set my spirit free so I can worship thee. I want to sense your power and love at work in me. Sweet Jesus come" have so often been my prayer. Today Jesus did come and present himself in the form of a hungry man. He came as a father who doesn't know how to provide school fees for his children. He was in the widow who feels alone and in her baby who is struggling to live. He was in the crippled man sitting outside my window repairing our children's shoes. Jesus has come right to where He said He would be. With an open invitation for us to draw near to Him, we enter the gap between what is and what should be.

My Friend

2007-10-25T00:37:00.000-07:00

I went this afternoon to sit with my friend named Hannah. She is 51 years old. She is married and has nine children. By the standards of the world, Hannah is poor. Over the past four years, a tumor has overtaken her face and parts of her brain leaving her body wasted and her face greatly disfigured. Her situation is full of loss and intense suffering. But this is not the whole story.

As I walked into her mud hut, I heard her voice saying: “Mtoto wangu, karibu sana.” meaning “My child, welcome so much”. I sat at Hannah’s bedside and saw how, even in the past five days, the tumor had grown noticeably larger around her eye and further into her mouth. Her speech was slurred but her spirit was full of life. She talked about how God continues to take care of her and then she waved her arms as she sang “Mungu yu mwema”- God is so good. She praised her daughters for the ongoing care they are providing to her as she is bedridden and dependent upon them 24 hours a day, seven days a week. It is hard for me to imagine talking about God’s goodness when faced with such pain; and yet her words are not a cliché, they are her hope.

I went to encourage Hannah; but I also went because she has something I long for. Hannah is beautiful. If you saw a picture of her, it would be impossible to see it; but there is a beauty that transcends and overshadows her appearance. Hannah knows the love of God, and it has cast out her fears. She is living in freedom and nothing in this world can take it away- not even death.

More than once, I have been humbled by the sweetness of God’s presence that rests upon this home. It causes me to be still and reminds me that God has not changed. Although questions remain unanswered, His faithfulness and love are not lessened by these struggles. In multiple languages, Hannah’s family and I have recited Psalm 23 together bringing life to these often quoted verses:

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

This afternoon, God used Hannah to speak His word to me. As I shared within my last update, I have recently been discouraged and overwhelmed by the challenges that surround. The weight feels so heavy; but this dear mama, on her deathbed, looked into my eyes and saw the burdens that I have been carrying. She said, “Juli, uko na wasi wasi. Usiwe na wasi wasi. Mungu anakulinda;” which means “Juli, you have worries- don’t worry. God is taking care of you”. As she spoke truth into my life, I grabbed her feeble hand, leaned forward and listened.

I pray that Hannah’s testimony will be an encouragement to you this day. I ask that as Hannah and her family come to your mind, please pray on their behalf.

A Few Stories

2007-10-05T00:40:00.000-07:00

In Kipkaren, we so often say that we wake up with a plan for the day, but we must leave space for God to interrupt our plans. Today was no exception. Let me share my story...

This afternoon, a nurse called from our local clinic saying that there was a sick lady who needed to be rushed to a hospital about an hour's drive away. Allison, my dearest friend, and I jumped into the car and picked up a 23 year old lady named Karen who was 7 months pregnant and having serious complications. Just having finished rainy season, our dirt road is, to say the least, not ideal for a lady in labour. After driving a few kilometers, Karen said that she felt to push. Allison looked at me and asked me what we should do. I replied that we should go to the nearest home of one of our traditional birth attendants named Mama Presca (TBAs are midwives from our community who ELI partners with to train them in safe delivery practices). I hoped to at least get a birthing kit with supplies to assist in delivering this baby; unfortunately, Mama Presca was not at home. I looked behind me to see Karen squatting behind a bush, on the side of the road, delivering a little girl. When I reached her, the baby was on the ground. I was shouting to Allison, "I need gloves. Allison, I need gloves". She ran to the car to get my bag, and then I put on my gloves and picked up this tiny baby as she began to cry. Then we needed something to cut the umbilical cord. So once again, Allison ran with all of her might (you should know that Allison hates to run) down the road to a local shop to try and find a sterile razor blade. Though she did not have any money with her, the local shop owner had sympathy on her as he realized she was in an emergency and out of breath. Upon reaching me, she saw that I had been innovative and used a glove to try and tie the cord. After a lot of effort, especially on Allison's part, we finished the delivery process. I will spare you many other details. We did manage to gather a small crowd in the meantime. Surely, and I mean this sincerely, God was with us. After about 10 minutes, we climbed back in the car and went the rest of the way to the hospital. The mom and baby have been admitted to the hospital but are stable. Our beautiful little girl weighs 1lb 8oz. Please be praying for her health and growth and peace for her mother.

Before all of this drama, I had intended to send this update on Hannah. I visited with Hannah’s family earlier this week and once again was blessed by her grace and invited by her warmth to sit beside her. As I did, I experienced the truth that God dwells in the praises of His people. In spite of the tumor that continues to grow in her face, Hannah’s hope remains in God. She expressed her gratitude to all who are praying for her and for her family. She declared that God continues to take care of her. I listened to her confidence as she sang the words Mungu anaweza, God is able. And I felt God’s peace, which surpasses all understanding, ruling Hannah’s heart and mind. Hannah’s husband, in the midst of the challenges, has also put his trust in God. He visited with us outside and sang this hymn about the love of God:

Hark, my soul! It is the Lord;

‘Tis thy Savior, hear his word.

Jesus speaks, and speaks to thee.

Says, poor sinner, lovest thou Me?

I delivered thee when bound,

And when bleeding, healed thy wound;

Sought thee wandering, set thee right,

Turned thy darkness into light.

Mine is an unchanging love,

Higher than the heights above;

Deeper than the depths beneath.

Free and faithful, strong as death.

Thou shalt see My glory soon,

When the work of grace is done.

Partner of my throne shalt be.

Say, poor sinner, lovest thou Me?

Lord! It is my chief complaint,

That my love is weak and faint.

Yet I love thee, and adore;

Oh, for grace to love Thee more.

I do desire to grow in this love that knows no limits. For now, I only know in part; but I praise God for the privilege to learn from this journey I am walking with Hannah. Her life demonstrates the promise that nothing can separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus.

Daudi

2007-09-25T01:52:00.000-07:00

Like it was yesterday, I remember the night Daudi was born. It was raining, and I had been called to assist a young mama named Eunice to deliver her baby. I was a young nursing student being initiated into the realities that so many women
and children face throughout the world. As I stooped down to enter into the mud hut, I was struck by the vision of Eunice laboring on the floor with her other three children sleeping in a row beside her.There was nothing sterile about the environment. A single candle lit the room. Chickens were resting in the corner. Several hours went by as Eunice silently endured the labor. There was no medication to ease her pain. There was no nearby clinic to rush to in case of any complications. In so many respects, Eunice was on her own.

With much anticipation, we waited for Daudi’s arrival, but when I caught his little body, he was limp and lifeless. As I suctioned his mouth, I heard someone behind me ask if he was dead and another praying, “Jesus, breathe life.” After what felt like eternity, Daudi gasped for air and began to cry. I do not understand or know how to
explain all that happened thatnight in that little hut, but I believe that Jesus did breathe life.

Seven years have flown by since that night. Kipkaren has become my home, and Daudi is my neighbor. I have watched this little boy grow. He is now in the first grade and is a bit mischievous. He has a bright smile and is full of life. He has a sweet little sister named Jepmutai that I delivered two years ago. The other day I was walking and saw Daudi tending his family’s cows, and I wondered about his life, the challenges he faces, the ways he views his world. My experience in and with Africa has been the span of his life. And I considered what has developed and what has remained constant within this village over the past seven years. Unlike the night he was born, there is now a clinic that provides quality preventative and curative healthcare to this community. The rates of malaria infection have decreased. Several hundred traditional birth attendants have been trained in safe delivery methods for the mother and child. People have a greater awareness of HIV, and testing and treatment is accessible. Free public education has been made available throughout Kenya; and although overcrowding is a serious issue,
children like Daudi now have the opportunity to attend school. Trainings have been offered to Daudi’s family in the areas of sustainable agriculture. Eunice, Daudi’s mom, is a member of our adult education class and is learning to read and write. And his father, Franco, was part of the construction team that built the children’s home and Brook of Faith Academy. Sunday school has created an environment for Daudi, and so many other children, to learn about the love of Christ. Unfortunately, challenges still remain as poverty and disease continue in this land. For most of Daudi’s neighbors, living hand-to mouth eliminates the choices we as Westerners value. Basics such as drinking clean and safe water or eating more than one meal a day are a luxury. Lack of employment opportunities continues to leave many idle and feeling hopeless, which, in turn, leads to engaging in risky and destructive behavior. And the cycle continues….

Amidst victories and ongoing obstacles, I thank God for the opportunity to be here. In a sense, watching Daudi grow has allowed me to see the faithfulness of God. His life is a reminder to me that God is able even in hopeless situations, and that I exist for something greater than myself. The ways I choose to love or not to love matter in the Kingdom. And because of this, I want to grow in compassion. Thank you for your role in
God’s work in this community. I pray that mercy, peace, and love be multiplied to you.

A story of a friend.

2007-09-25T00:29:00.000-07:00

I went this afternoon to sit with my friend named Hannah. She is 51 years old. She is married and has nine children. By the standards of the world, Hannah is poor. Over the past four years, a tumor has overtaken her face and parts of her brain leaving her body wasted and her face greatly disfigured. Her situation is full of loss and intense suffering. But this is not the whole story.
As I walked into her mud hut, I heard her voice saying: “Mtoto wangu, karibu sana.” meaning “My child, welcome so much”. I sat at Hannah’s bedside and saw how, even in the past five days, the tumor had grown noticeably larger around her eye and further into her mouth. Her speech was slurred but her spirit was full of life. She talked about how God continues to take care of her and then she waved her arms as she sang “Mungu yu mwema”- God is so good. She praised her daughters for the ongoing care they are providing to her as she is bedridden and dependent upon them 24 hours a day, seven days a week. It is hard for me to imagine talking about God’s goodness when faced with such pain; and yet her words are not a cliché, they are her hope.
I went to encourage Hannah; but I also went because she has something I long for. Hannah is beautiful. If you saw a picture of her, it would be impossible to see it; but there is a beauty that transcends and overshadows her appearance. Hannah knows the love of God, and it has cast out her fears. She is living in freedom and nothing in this world can take it away- not even death.
More than once, I have been humbled by the sweetness of God’s presence that rests upon this home. It causes me to be still and reminds me that God has not changed. Although questions remain unanswered, His faithfulness and love are not lessened by these struggles. In multiple languages, Hannah’s family and I have recited Psalm 23 together bringing life to these often quoted verses:

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

This afternoon, God used Hannah to speak His word to me. As I shared within my last update, I have recently been discouraged and overwhelmed by the challenges that surround. The weight feels so heavy; but this dear mama, on her deathbed, looked into my eyes and saw the burdens that I have been carrying. She said, “Juli, uko na wasi wasi. Usiwe na wasi wasi. Mungu anakulinda;” which means “Juli, you have worries- don’t worry. God is taking care of you”. As she spoke truth into my life, I grabbed her feeble hand, leaned forward and listened.
I pray that Hannah’s testimony will be an encouragement to you this day. I ask that as Hannah and her family come to your mind, please pray on their behalf. With much love, Juli

Hope.

2007-07-17T10:03:00.000-07:00

This past week, within ELI’s sphere of influence, three young families have been affected by death and 13 more orphans are on our minds and hearts. Questions about what is the best response for these families and children have no clear answers. I am challenged—what is true religion and what does it mean to love in action? With this in mind, I traveled 25 miles to a small village Saturday morning, July 7th, with ELI’s Tumaini na Afya team for an HIV/AIDS Awareness Campaign. It was a cold, rainy day, but God was with us.
The day included a soccer tournament, volleyball tournament, 10 km running race, 40 km bicycle race through the mud, and tug of war amongst other activities. The Salvation Army Band marched and captured the attention of 1,500 plus people who attended the campaign. The purpose of the day was to get the eminent message about HIV to the people—there is hope for people living with HIV/AIDS. In a land where everyone is all too familiar with the effects of HIV/AIDS, fear continues to plague the situation enabling the virus to steal, kill and destroy life. One tool we have to fight this virus is HIV counseling and testing. The test requires a small prick of a person’s finger and five minutes of his/her time. I might add that they are the longest five minutes imaginable as one waits to see whether one line appears on the test, which means he/she is HIV negative or two lines, HIV positive. However, motivating people to be tested is critical in this fight. It does not change whether or not a person has the virus, but it does change what he/she can do in response to it. On Saturday, the village of Kipsangui was challenged to face their fears, and 617 individuals responded and learned their HIV status. For those who tested negative, they do not have to live in fear and were counseled to make choices that will protect themselves and their families. For those who tested positive, they were referred to a free clinic where life-prolonging, quality treatment is available. There is social support to restore and maintain their dignity; and these people, by the grace of God, can live to see their children grow up. For there is no children’s home or community based orphan care program that can replace what is lost when parents die. I was reminded of that 13 times this past week.
In the midst of fighting what feels like an uphill battle, there is hope. As a ministry team, we find courage in knowing that our God is bigger than HIV/AIDS. I thank you, on behalf of the 617 people who now know their HIV status, for your ongoing financial support and prayers. As I follow God’s lead, I know that each individual is worth fighting for.

A Child's Appeal

2007-06-27T05:31:00.000-07:00

There are countless vulnerable children that fill this community. They understand what it is to be hungry. They are, all too often, sick from preventable diseases. They know death and loss as so many have watched their own parents die. It is easy to see and say that their life is not fair; and yet, this does not answer their questions. They were made for more than mere existence and somehow they know it. They are little dreamers who desire to learn, to laugh and play, to love and be loved.
Ezekiel Moiben, a parent of 24 children at the ELI Children’s Home in Kipkaren, wrote a poignant piece as the voice of a child and entitled it “A Child’s Appeal”.

I am a child. All the world awaits my coming.
All the world watches with interest-
to see what I shall become.
The future of the world hangs in the balance.
What I become, the future of tomorrow will be.
I am a child. I have come into the world,
about which I know nothing.
Why I came, I do not know.
How I came, I do not know.
I want to know. I am curious. I am interested.
I am a child. You hold my destiny in your hands.
You determine largely whether I shall succeed or fail.
Give me, I pray, these things that make for happiness.
Train me, I beg you, that I may be a blessing to the world.

When I read this, I can hear the voices of individual children who must be heard. I want to share the stories of two whose appeal has led to action in the form compassion.
The story continues. This evening, I sat with an eight-year-old girl named Iveen and her new “mom” as she took her first dose of anti-retrovirals, the medications given to fight the HIV virus. Much has happened in this child’s life in the last three weeks. She has lost her mother. She has moved to a new home and is living with a new family. And she has been diagnosed with HIV and has now begun treatment for AIDS.
In my last update, I told the story of Iveen’s mother Monica. She had passed away upon reaching the HIV/AIDS clinic, and our Home-Based Care team had transported her lifeless body to her home for burial. Iveen, her grandmother and her brother Kelvin (11), are experiencing what this virus has done to too many families. It has taken the strong and left the vulnerable. The children and the elderly are what remain. There is also the harsh reality that Iveen’s family lost its only source of income for food and survival.
On that first day, we crowded in their mud hut. It was hot, and we were all overwhelmed by the situation. I was asked to pray and found myself at loss for words. As we left the family and drove back down the dirt path, silence remained until Maru, a member of Tumaini na Afya (Hope & Health) said: “They have nothing. This is not OK.” Moved with compassion, he explained that he wanted to assist Monica’s children. At the moment, I do not think any of us knew what that meant; but after talking to Maru’s wife and meeting with Monica’s family at her burial, the Maru family decided to bring Iveen and Kelvin to Kipkaren to live with them.
Iveen and Kelvin—in the midst of tremendous loss—have been welcomed with love by Maru and his wife, Mama Jesang. The children have begun to attend Brook of Faith Academy, and Iveen is getting quality treatment at the nearby HIV/AIDS clinic. The children’s grandmother came to visit yesterday and expressed her sincere gratefulness. There are many things I will never understand upon this earth; but one thing is clear: God does not forget the humble. Her appeal was heard.
Appearances. Appearance can be misleading. For example, my friend Mama Daniel lives in a body that is only three feet tall. She has lived her life ridiculed and abused. She defines herself by her stature—and so does her community—even though any physical limitations she might have, are compensated for by her determination, creativity and incredible work ethics. She takes great care of her two sons, Daniel and Darius.
I met Mama Daniel and her five-year-old son—who also shares his mother’s short stature—at ELI’s clinic in Kipkaren. Daniel had just learned to walk and was experiencing severe pain in his back because his vertebrae did not have adequate space to grow in proper alignment. After consulting with several physicians, Daniel was referred to an orthopedic surgeon in Nairobi and taken for surgery. Because Mama Daniel was unable to afford this important but expensive surgery, we helped to support this family with the operation. Daniel recently returned home with a cast remaining over much of his torso; and like any little boy, he is ready for it to be removed. But his pain has reduced and his smile has returned.
On Sunday morning, Mama Daniel walked miles to come to our church. She stood and testified that she had come to church because she needed to thank God for what He has done for her child. She said that this was the first time she has been to church. She thought church was only for tall people.
She continued to explain that she used to take her son to various clinics to try and get help, but she left in tears every time . . . until she came to Kipkaren. She thanked God for standing with her. Then she led a song to praise Him. It was incredible. I was so moved. By us choosing to love her son, she felt accepted, perhaps for the first time.
There have been moments when I have sat with this mother and child and have been moved with compassion. It seems I have been given a glimpse of how God sees them, and they are deeply loved and accepted. Mama Daniel is truly a remarkable woman, and I pray that she will begin to see this truth. There is nothing about her nor about Daniel that is an accident. I thank God for the clarity to see beyond mere appearances into the greater reality of His Kingdom.
Thank you for your prayers and for your support. May God grant us the ears to hear, as there are many more appeals to be heard, and may He grant us hearts to respond with wisdom and compassion.

What are your fears related to HIV?

2007-06-13T00:01:00.000-07:00

What are your fears related to HIV? This is the question asked to open a three-day training on what it means to be a caregiver. After an hour of people sharing their responses, the room grows quiet. The realities of HIV, the fears surrounding it are realized.
Then a second question is posed: Is there hope? Once again, silence fills the room. It is a sobering moment; but I have seen it again and again, with fears identified, they lose their power. Space for hope to rise is given. Now, we can begin the training.
This week, 23 trainees have traveled from their homes, from various churches in surrounding villages. These individuals may not know the horrifying statistic that says 25 million people, in Sub-Saharan Africa, are infected with the virus that causes AIDS. But they know their neighbor who keeps being diagnosed with malaria but never recovers. They have attended the burial of their brother and then their sister -in –law. They now have four more children to feed. To these, HIV is not a statistic. It is a nightmare.
Over the past two and a half years, ELI’s Tumaini na Afya (Hope & Health), have trained nearly 300 people the art of caregiving by increasing their knowledge surrounding HIV, proper nutrition, the importance of HIV testing, how to connect the sick with testing and then treatment. For all who are willing, the opportunity for them to learn their HIV status is provided. The last day of the course has been termed “Loving Day” provides the trainees practical experience. They go with members of our team to visit clients within our community. They go to encourage, to assist. They practice what they have learned with the goal that they will take this to their communities.
As I was teaching this morning, I was convinced again: there is hope. There is hope, because there is a God who has not, who cannot, forget his children. As members of the Church of Jesus Christ, we are called to be His hands, His feet. The need is great. The opportunities are limitless.

Home.

2007-06-07T02:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I returned to the village I call home. The brilliant colors of green that filled the land were more than a beautiful sight. It indicated that rain has come, that prayers have been answered. Corn, the staple food of this community, was growing in the fields. As I turned the corner leading to my house, I saw the line of a couple hundred people waiting to receive me. Both children and adults waved with both hands and greeted me with the biggest smiles as I pulled up on the unpaved road. For a few moments, all work ceased. School classes were even interrupted so the children could welcome me home. I must confess, as often as I have participated in “welcome ceremonies,” they continue to amaze me.
Through the generous hospitality extended to me, I was yet again reminded of the beauty of living in community. Kipchumba was at the front of the line with flowers for me. His bright eyes reminded me of Timon, his father whom I miss so dearly, but they also told me that God surely is a Father to the fatherless. The 96 children I welcomed this past year to the ELI Children’s Home as orphans were now welcoming me. Betty, one of my beloved patients and friends, wiped tears from her eyes. It tenderly reminded me of the love of Christ. My heart was full, and I was grateful.

In the evening, a party was hosted with forty of my neighbors and friends. We shared stories and ate together. The night was simple. It was filled with joy. They welcomed me back home as one of their own.

Love in action. In Kipkaren, we often say that we wake up with a plan for the day, but we must leave space for God to interrupt our plans. This morning I traveled to a neighboring town to attend the opening ceremony of an income-generating project for people living with HIV/AIDS. On my way, I stopped by the nearby AIDS clinic and learned of a young woman named Monica who was HIV+.
Monica’s story quickly threw me back into the harsh reality of what it looks like to be poor and to live with AIDS. The 31-year-old mother of two was under treatment for tuberculosis and had woken up critically ill. Without access to a car, or means to take a cab, she was forced to travel on the back of an open truck and then walk to reach the clinic. Her mother supported her weak body, but by the time they arrived at the clinic, Monica was gasping for air. She passed away before she could be treated.
If this were not traumatic enough, Monica’s mother had no way to transport her daughter’s body home to be buried.
As I stood in the examination room with this grieving mother, these words ran through my head: “If any of you has possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in you? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but in action and in truth” (1 John 3:16-18). I chose to listen to the Voice that was calling me to love.

With the help of several of my Kenyan friends, we bought a blanket and a mattress and carried Monica’s lifeless body to our car. We drove her home to be buried. We grieved with a family over the loss of their daughter, their sister, and—for two precious children—the loss of their mother. Once again, I was struck today by the cruelty of HIV/AIDS. It seeks only to steal, kill, and destroy life—and not from the infected alone. But I was also reminded of an even greater truth: God is love. He has entrusted us, His children, to extend Him, through compassion, to the oppressed and broken-hearted. This alone is the hope for this broken world.

Kipchumba. As I mentioned above and have written before, Kipchumba is a young boy whose father passed away earlier this year. He is in the fourth grade and attends ELI’s Brook of Faith Academy in Kipkaren. I wanted to give you a brief update on this beloved little boy…
Each month, the students take an exam covering all of their subjects. They are then ranked according to their performance. Upon my arrival, the principal proudly reported that Kipchumba was number one out of the thirty students in his class. He also said that he has
begun to talk more with students and teachers as well as participate in other activities. One of his exams included writing an essay about his parents. I was, to say the least, very humbled when I read his paper in which he talked about me. I had no idea how this young boy viewed me as a parent. This is a portion of what he wrote:
My parent is Juli. When there was no school fees, she paid for me. She loves me so much! She can’t forget me. When my father was sick, she was coming to see him. When my father got lost, she took me as her boy. When we did exams, she came to school to see my performance. She always comes in the evening to see if I am continuing well. I thank God for giving me a good parent.
Like Kipchumba, I thank God for the ways He is working in this child’s life and for the role He is allowing me to play. Thank you for your continued prayers for Kipchumba.

Tax-exempt donations may be sent to Empowering Lives International
PO Box 67 Upland, CA 91785 Phone 909.476.6822
email: julimcgowan@empoweringlives.org web: www.empoweringlives.org

Kipkaren Children's Home

2007-06-06T03:15:00.000-07:00

Seasons of Life.

2007-02-20T02:28:00.000-08:00

King Solomon, in his wisdom, once wrote: “to everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven” (Ecclesiastes 3:1). For our Home-Based Care team in Kipkaren, this is a season for us to walk through the valley of the shadow of death. Over the past weeks, we have lost several of our dear friends to death. It feels as if we finish the burial of one only to lose another. Our hearts are heavy. Our questions remain unanswered. But in this broken place, we are not without hope. We are being reminded that this world is not our home. We are experiencing the grace that is sufficient to carry us through. We are learning, even more, to depend upon God and one another to continue in the work to which we have been called.
On Valentine’s Day, I received the call that Edwin, the young boy with heart disease, had become acutely sick. He had recently been discharged from the hospital after several unsuccessful attempts to treat his condition. He had wanted to go home. So, he spent his last days with his family in the familiarity of his home and village.
By the time I reached his home, he had already passed away. His family’s small grass-thatched hut was full of neighbors and family members grieving the loss of their child. There was a single candle to light the blackness of the night. At times, the only sound was of a mother crying over the loss of her son. Edwin’s brother laid beside him unaware of all that was taking place. And my heart felt the loss of one that I loved.
Over the past month, these lyrics have been my cry:
When I don’t know what to do,
I’ll lift my hands.
When I don’t know what to say,
I’ll speak your praise.
When I don’t know where to go,
I’ll run to your throne.
When I don’t know what to think,
I’ll stand on your truth.
-Tommy Walker

I thank you for your continued prayers for us as we experience life and death in this place. Your prayers are a source of strength in the midst of our weakness. One thing that has become so evident to me as we journey through this valley is that death is only a shadow. There is life beyond this broken world and the separation we are experiencing is temporary

In memory of a friend.

2007-02-01T02:06:00.000-08:00

Timon Kutto
1/28/63-1/25/07
Last Thursday morning, I received a phone call saying that Timon, a beloved patient and friend, had passed away in the night. Over the past two and a half years, I have had the amazing privilege of knowing and loving this man and his family. HIV/AIDS had stolen his physical body but was never able to infect the beauty of his spirit. It is impossible to explain, but God used Timon’s life to reveal Himself to me in a profound and personal way. As Jesus had promised in Matthew
25, I encountered Him as I visited my sick friend.
For the past few years, Timon spent most of his days under the shade of a tree; and by the time I met him, his speech was very limited. It was his gentle yet piercing eyes that told his unspoken stories and led me to write these lyrics: “The words you long to say, the stories you’ve hidden away– they’re in your eyes, your tear-stained eyes. Dreams lost, brokenness found. Loneliness is all that’s around. It’s in your eyes, your tear-stained eyes. Lost dreamer, dream again– you are going home.” I can only imagine the way Jesus welcomed His child with outstretched arms. He wiped away Timon’s tears. And Timon was freed from the struggles of this world to dance and praise the One who never left his side. Up until the end, without fail, Timon would lift his hand towards heaven and say “Mungu tu”. “It’s only God”.
Timon’s joy was found in his nine year old son named Kipchumba. Just one week prior to Timon’s death, I felt so strongly that if we wanted to love Timon we needed to care for his son. In Timon’s last days, Kipchumba began attending ELI’s Brook of Faith Academy in Kipkaren and is receiving quality education and loving care allowing his father to rest. I thank God that He is the Father of the fatherless. Please pray for Kipchumba.
I will miss the moments with Timon but will forever be grateful for the gift God gave to me through his life. He proved to me that, although it be costly, love never fails.
“LET THE HAND OF THE LORD TAKE CARE OF ME UNTIL I GO HOME.” -
TRANSLATED FROM KALENJIIN, THE LYRICS TO TIMON’S FAVORITE SONG

God with us.

2007-01-22T01:49:00.000-08:00

Each month in Kipkaren we pick a theme to represent the activities and focus of our ministry. In December, the theme was God with us; and so many times throughout the month, I saw this to be true. Christmas in Kenya was simple. In this little village, there were no holiday parties to attend, no hopes for a white Christmas, and no stores to rush to for the latest sales. More or less, Christmas felt the same as every other day; and yet, within this place, there is a clear understanding that there is reason to celebrate.
Just prior to Christmas, I went with several members of my Kenyan family to bless the poorest of the poor in our community. We bought food, gathered clothing, and set out to visit our neighbors. We started at the home of a 30 year old widow named Rael who lives with her three young children. It is difficult to explain, but we received the greater blessing that day as Rael graciously welcomed us into her simple grass-thatched hut. The struggle and disappointments of her life are great; but in that moment, we shared together in the faithfulness of our God. In that humble place, I was reminded of God with us and struck by the notion that there is no place Jesus will not go for the sake of love. He met me that day in the disguise of a broken-hearted widow.
On Christmas morning, the 96 children from the ELI Kipkaren Children’s Home as well as others from our church and community gathered to celebrate. I was moved as the children sang a beautiful song in Swahili. The words say, “God, without you, I do not know where I would be.” As I looked into the faces of these precious children, I remembered how they arrived to Kipkaren, just a few months prior, with fear and so many questions in their eyes. They had lost so much in their short lives but on Christmas morning, tears filled my eyes as I saw joy across their faces. They were singing of God with us.
Children Singing on Christmas Morning
I have entered 2007 with great expectations for what God will do in this ministry and within my heart this year. I look forward to sharing with you the struggles and joys of this journey. I have attached a collage of pictures taken throughout 2006. Thank you so much for your generous support through prayer and financial gifts. Mercy, peace, and love be yours in abundance.

Heart Condition

2006-11-21T04:51:00.000-08:00

Over the past few months, I have been remaining in the words that Jesus taught in the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7). I believe that His message was not simply a memorized sermon; but rather, He was speaking the very heart of God. He was teaching about a Kingdom that belongs to the poor in spirit, to those who know they need Him. He was telling us to seek this Kingdom and His righteousness first and revealing to His friends that all of the law could be summed up in this: love God and love your neighbors. He did not want us to worry about our lives; but rather, he desired for us to grow in trust of our Father who gives good gifts to His children.
I do not pretend to understand all that Jesus was trying to say, but I have come to realize and truly believe that the condition of our heart is what matters to God. Our words and actions, no matter how good, are only of value if they are said and done with love. As man, we see the outward appearance of things, but God sees the heart. Amazingly, the blessing promised to those with a pure heart is to see God. What a promise.
I am often reminded that God is seen in unlikely places. Recently, I was stopped along the side of the road, and a young boy who was selling peanuts came to the car window. In Kenya, when people are not interested in buying what is being sold, we say: “Si leo, labda kesho,” which means “not today, maybe tomorrow.” I was not prepared for the wisdom that proceeded from the child’s mouth when he said, “tomorrow is just a dream. Today is life.” This child understood something that Jesus once taught when he said, “do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own troubles.” God used that small boy to allow me to see His Kingdom more clearly as he reminded me- today is life. Needless to say, I bought the peanuts.
Lost Boys of Sudan…
Over the past year, the people of Southern Sudan have landed within my mind and grabbed my heart in a powerful way. As I’ve listened to their stories and read about their experience of survival through twenty plus years of civil war; my mind has been filled with many unanswered questions, my heart has been moved with compassion and broken over injustice, and I have learned to pray for peace in a way that I had neglected before.
One of the tragedies and remarkable aspects of the war lies within the telling stories of a group who have come to be known as the Lost Boys of Sudan. Between 1987 and 1989, it is estimated that 20,000 little boys from across Southern Sudan, after watching their villages being burned and their families being massacred, began a fierce journey of survival. Alephonosion Deng, one of the Lost Boys, explains: “The name Lost Boys came to be when our village was attacked by fierce Arab horsemen. We, little boys, spewed out of the blazing village like a colony of ants disturbed in their nest. We ran in different directions not knowing where we are going. We gathered some fruits for our breakfast and lunch. We, little boys, were so messy, all chaos and cries filling the dark, fiercely lightless night.”
Barefoot, they walked a thousand miles through the hot deserts often defending themselves from wild animals such as lions and crocodiles. Without food and water, they ate mud and leaves to avoid starvation. Often, they grew gravely sick but would keep going in order to survive. In the nearly impossible walk, half of the boys died along the way before the others were able to find shelter in refugee camps in Uganda and Kenya.
In They Poured Fire on Us From the Sky, Benson Deng writes of his experiences as a Lost Boy. In one account, he tells of the day he was reunited with his brother after five years of separation:
Then my heart began pounding deeply and I knew at once this was my younger brother, Alepho, whom I’d left back home five years earlier. He was ten years old now and nearly as tall as me. He knew me too. We hugged each other in tears. Seeing my own brother again was the greatest moment of joy in my life… After wandering for so long, I finally had a home and family. The war that had flung us to the wind had set us back down together.
In 1987, Abraham, one of my dear friends who works with Empowering Lives Sudan, was nine years old when he was forced to leave Sudan. In his story, Abraham was separated from his mother and watched his father die as they journeyed across Sudan. After walking for three months through the Sudanese bush and desert, he arrived at a refugee camp on the border of Ethiopia; but in 1991, guerrillas destroyed the camp. Once again, he was faced with the treacherous journey across volatile Sudan. In the return, the group he was travelling with were attacked by Arabs from the north, and Abraham watched many of his friends being killed. Abraham continued walking until he reached a refugee camp in Northern Uganda. Eventually, he was relocated to another refugee camp in Kenya.
When I asked Abraham about his experience as a Lost Boy, without bitterness, he humbly replied: “As a refugee, I was faced with a question. I left my family in Sudan, but who is my guide? When I was travelling all of those months, I was sick. I did not have medicine. I asked myself: who is my healer?” These questions eventually led Abraham to know his God in a deep and personal way.
In August of 2005, 8 months after the peace treaty was signed between Northern & Southern Sudan and 18 years after a nine year old boy fled from his homeland, Abraham returned to his village of Kolmarek. He returned as a 26 year old man with a vision to rebuild what war had destroyed: his home. Please join me in praying for Abraham and the other Lost Boys who are now young men. Pray that they will find peace and their home. Pray for the rebuilding of Sudan.
A Season to Celebrate…
If there were a theme for this past month of life in Kipkaren, it would best be described as a season of remembering and celebrating God’s faithfulness.
- 10.28.06. Thousands came to celebrate the 10th anniversary of ELI Kenya as well as the grand opening of the ELI Children’s Home in Kipkaren & Brook of Faith Academy (the elementary school for the children in our children’s home & community). It was wonderful to hear members of the community share their stories of how the various ministries of ELI have transformed their lives and this community.
- 11.4.06. The village of Kipkaren as well as friends from throughout Kenya joined together for the purpose of raising funds for ELI’s UPEC Chebaiywa Clinic. As the health ministry continues to expand, ongoing development at the clinic is needed. We thank God for his provision as we were able to raise $5900.
- 11.17.06. An HIV/AIDS Awareness Campaign was held within the village of Sambut. Nearly a thousand people attended the activity and 455 people were tested and counseled regarding their HIV status

Go and Do Likewise.

2006-10-10T05:00:00.000-07:00

As I press on to follow Christ’s example of living out compassion, I am confronted with a question: who is my neighbor? I wonder: who are the ones that I live life alongside of and, by encountering them, have the opportunity to learn what it means to “love my neighbor as myself”? When Jesus was asked this very question, he refused to limit neighbors by geographical residence, race, family or religious affiliation. Instead, as he often did, Jesus chose to tell a story. It’s the familiar parable where a man was beaten by thieves and left to die. Two men separately noticed the man suffering alongside the road but simply passed by. But when the Samaritan, an outcast of the day, came to where the man was lying, he was moved with compassion. The Samaritan bandaged the injured man’s wounds and made arrangements for his continued care. As Jesus concluded his story, he asked the question: “Which of the three do you think was a neighbor to him who fell among the thieves?” And he replied, “He who showed mercy on him.” Jesus told the man: “Go and do likewise” (Luke 10:29-37).
As I reflect upon this story, I recognize myself in each of the characters. I regret that, far too many times, I have been availed the opportunity to show mercy but, with great excuses, have simply passed by. Other times, I have been the one sick and in need. In those times, I have received the gracious touch from a Good Samaritan and been restored. And, ever increasingly, there are moments when my heart is moved with compassion; and as I hear the words of Jesus to “go and do likewise”, I love. More than ever, I am convinced that, as Brennan Manning stated: “the success of [my] life will be measured by how delicately and sensitively I have loved… For the meaning of our religion is love. Christianity is all about loving, and we either take it or leave it. It’s not about worship and morality, except insofar as these things are expressions of the love that causes them both.”
As I continue to discover who my neighbor is and, more importantly, ways that I can show mercy to them; I wanted to share, in brief, about what is happening in the community of Kipkaren and in the lives of several of my neighbors…

Children’s Home.
There are now 96 little ones living in the Kipkaren Children’s Home. In caring for their health, I am privileged with the opportunity to spend a lot of time amongst these children. It never ceases to amaze me how God shows up in unexpected places. He took me by surprise tonight as I walked into a room filled with 18 children seated with their new mom. Their faces were aglow by the light of a small lantern, and their exuberant greetings overwhelmed me with joy.
But it was one child’s face in particular that caught my attention. His face is familiar to me as he is one of the orphans that moved to the children’s home from our community. His name is Omari; and being his neighbor, I am used to seeing this child dirty, wearing his tattered clothing and always somehow seeming to be lost. I don’t mean “lost” in a directionally challenged sort of way; but rather, he was in search for a place where he could belong. Shelter, daily bread, love, and the list goes on were not consistent in his life.
I have greeted him countless times walking our dirt paths, but I have never seen him smile like he smiled at me tonight. As he looked into my eyes, he was speaking to me in a way that goes deeper than words. It was as if he were saying: “thank you” and that he has been found in this refuge. It was only a moment, but that is all it took to touch my heart. So after a long day and a full week, I am grateful to God for the gift given to me through the smile of a little boy who was once an orphan.

HIV/AIDS Awareness Campaign.
On September 1, our Home-Based Care team gathered together in a village called Kaptebee with several thousand people for the purpose of increasing awareness and hope concerning HIV/AIDS and to offer HIV testing and counseling. In a single day, 721 people were tested and those who were HIV positive were referred for treatment at a nearby clinic. It was a day of victory in this long battle that must be fought against HIV/AIDS.

A Broken Heart.
Upon moving to Kipkaren in 2004, I met a little boy named Edwin. His story and life touched my heart deeply. I met Edwin while he was in a local hospital in the town of Eldoret. Although his smile would tell otherwise, his grossly distended abdomen revealed that he was gravely sick. After medical evaluation, it was reported that his heart was failing with no treatment options available. It seemed that life would end quickly for this child; but as I visited Edwin and his family over the past two years, he continued to survive. A few weeks ago, I took Edwin to another physician that I respect greatly to see if there could be any possible treatment options. Edwin was admitted to the hospital and, as suspected, was diagnosed with Constrictive Pericarditis which means that the extra fluid that was in between the outer lining of his heart and the heart muscle was not allowing the heart muscle the room it needs to beat adequately. This condition was causing fluid to build up within his abdomen as well as many other complications. Since being admitted to the hospital, Edwin has had two surgeries and the prognosis is not clear. I am asking God to heal Edwin’s heart and to bring hope again to his family. I ask you to join me in praying on behalf of a little boy who needs a new heart.

Patrick's Story

2006-08-10T08:51:00.000-07:00

Over the past two years, the compassion of Jesus Christ has led me far deeper than my mind knew to comprehend. I have experienced that His love has no limits and is powerful enough to cast out fear and transform lives. I want to share the story of one little boy, who represents so many others, whose lives are being restored with hope and purpose…
Patrick’s contagious smile fails to tell the abuse he has endured, the challenges he has overcome, and the battle he continues to face. As a 9-year old boy, Patrick’s story is one that breaks the heart. He was born to a single mother who died of AIDS related complications. He was rejected and abandoned by the rest of his family because he is also infected with the HIV virus. After a Good Samaritan found Patrick very sick, living in the bush without shelter; he was admitted to a local hospital where he continued to live for six months.
Upon learning of Patrick’s story, I had the privilege to bring him from the hospital to his new home at ELI’s Kipkaren Children’s Home. When the social worker from the hospital explained to Patrick that he would be coming to Kipkaren to live and would attend school for the first time in his life, Patrick smiled brightly and threw his arms around me tightly. In that moment, I realized that through this child I was going to learn not only about loving but also about being loved.
Upon arriving to the children’s home, he leaned against my chest as he was welcomed by the singing of his 25 new brothers and sisters. In Swahili, I whispered in his ear, “Patrick, God loves you, he loves you so much!” Although Patrick has lived so much of his life rejected, there is a Father who has caught the tears from his silent cries. In that moment, I was reminded of the words of Proverbs 31:8-9, words that have been so often haunting and challenging me throughout this year: “Open your mouth for the speechless, in the cause of all who are appointed to die. Open your mouth, judge righteously. And plead the cause of the poor and needy.” The love of Christ is what has brought Patrick to this refuge where he is accepted and cared for. As I learn what it is to serve God by loving His children, I am truly humbled and amazed at His provision. As the body of Christ joins together to live out His mission of “preaching the good news to the poor, healing the brokenhearted, proclaiming liberty to the captives, recovery of sight to the
blind, and setting free those who are oppressed” (Luke 4:18); I have witnessed His Kingdom come, one life at a time.
I am committed to live in Kipkaren and to serve with ELI as long as God leads. I invite you to continue to join me in this journey. Your prayers and financial gifts are gratefully received. The cost for living and continuing the work in Kipkaren will be around $50,000 for this next one year (the increased expenses are due to the expansion of our HIV/AIDS program). Please consider making a one-time gift or a monthly commitment to partner with me as I minister to the physical, spiritual and emotional needs of the people affected by HIV/AIDS.

This year, with your help . . .
-Mobile HIV testing and counseling services were offered in 20 villages with nearly 2,500 people being tested. Those who tested positive have been referred to
a comprehensive HIV/AIDS treatment program.
- HIV/AIDS Awareness Campaigns were held in six villages with the goal of promoting awareness, reducing stigma, and offering HIV testing. Various games—including football tournaments, volleyball, bicycle races, and running— as well as a professional band from
Nairobi were utilized to draw crowds which have ranged from 700 to 3,000 people. HIV+ individuals from the project willingly shared about their HIV status and encouraged others within the community to be tested.
- HIV/AIDS Caregiver Trainings were offered and completed by 204 individuals from 60 villages. After the three-day trainings, individuals were encouraged to return to their villages to
increase awareness within their community, to promote HIV testing and referral, and to be caregivers to the sick. Follow-up is conducted at three, six, and nine month intervals.
- Traditional Birth Attendant Training was given to 132 women from 10 villages over 18 weeks. Special emphasis was placed upon the topics of HIV awareness and the prevention of mother to child transmission.
- Basics of HIV/AIDS trainings were conducted to approximately 3,400 students at 17 primary and secondary schools.
- An outreach program was started for seven local prostitutes to help them realize their value as children of God and to train them to find other ways to provide for their families.
- A mission trip was taken to Southern Sudan where 1,046 patients were offered general medical and dental services.
- ELI Kipkaren Children’s Home has been constructed and serves as a refuge and a home for a total of 96 orphaned children.
- The Home-Based Care team continues to visit 25 HIV+ individuals to follow up on their medication adherence, their nutritional status and overall physical and emotional health.

Pure Religion

2006-07-02T07:54:00.000-07:00

Much like an expectant mother prepares and waits for her unborn child, we in Kipkaren are preparing and waiting for 96 orphaned children to come and find a
refuge of hope and a place to call home. As a follower of Christ, I have been challenged that pure and undefiled religion before God is simply this: to care for orphans and widows in their trouble (James 1:27).
In Sub-Saharan Africa— where there are literally millions of orphans—the need for a response is overwhelming. And the reality of living in this community is to be confronted daily with these statistics in the form of children who are struggling to survive. They each have a name and a story of how life has left them without parents.
Nine-year-old Patrick was born to a single mother who died of AIDS-related complications. Because he, too, had been infected by the HIV virus,
his family rejected and abandoned him. About 4 months ago, a Good Samaritan found Patrick sleeping amongst bushes. He was very sick. Patrick was admitted to a local hospital where he continues to live, because there is no other place that is willing to accept him. I am anxiously awaiting the day when he gets to come to a home where he will be accepted and loved
as he is!
Recently, I was shocked by another story I read about in an article in a Kenyan newspaper. In a
town about an hour away from Kipkaren lives a grandmother whose 8 children and their spouses all died of AIDS, leaving this grandmother to care for her 37 grandchildren. The article explained that she owned very little land; therefore, she has been farming on the top of her children’s graves in order to feed the orphaned children. The grandmother was pleading for help. I thank God that in a few days her burden will be lightened as we’ll be able to take in some of her grandchildren.
There are also 2 little boys whose mother was a patient of our home-based care ministry when she
died last July. I remember the day I watched those kids bury their mother. I went home that night and journaled these words:
What did your little eyes see?
There were no tears today.
What did your little eyes see?
As your mama went away.
What did your broken hearts feel?
Were you just too scared to say?
What did your broken hearts feel?
As your mama went away.
Little eyes—I’ll cry for you;
Though I don’t know what to say.
Broken hearts—I’ll fight for you.
Because your mama went away.
I thank God that these two brothers will soon have an opportunity to go to school, to eat a balanced diet, and to grow up within a safe environment. These stories represent countless others that could be told; but for now, I ask you join me in praying for the Kipkaren Children’s Home. In the upcoming weeks, we will be receiving 96 children between the ages of 3-10 who are total orphans. There are big adjustments ahead for the entire staff as well as the children who will be coming. Please pray that in every single detail, God’s Spirit will lead in this journey of faith.
Sudan Update
This week, I received an email from Stephen Reech, director of Empowering Lives Sudan. “After your team’s visit to Sudan, the community came to share testimonies. Within 17 families, people were healed,” Stephen reported. “Abiei [a girl with cholera whom we took to the compound to treat] thanked God for what He had done for her. She said that the devil had a plan to kill her, and God’s plan was to send His people to rescue her from the devil. Abiei said that she had no faith in God before, but now she believes in God.” Praise be to God!
Stephen concluded his email by requesting continued prayer for peace in all of Sudan. Thank you for your continued prayers and support of this ministry in Southern Sudan.
Loving Much
It amazes me the number of times in the Bible, outcasts and people who were considered failures
were the ones to become the children of God. In fact, Jesus taught the religious leaders that the harlots and tax collectors would enter His Kingdom before they would.
On another occasion, when Jesus was invited to the home of a Pharisee for dinner, a prostitute lady came, and Jesus allowed her to come near to him. She was broken and weeping, but she came and worshipped at the feet of Jesus with her tears and a costly bottle of fragrant oil. After much criticism, Jesus replied to the accusers: “You gave me no kiss, but this woman has not ceased to kiss my feet since the time I came in . . . Therefore, I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little. Then
he said to her, ‘Your sins are forgiven.’” (Luke 7:45-48). And then he sent her away in peace.
I have often read that story but never with a face in mind of someone who is like this woman.
Right now, that is changing.
In April of 2005, while hosting an AIDS awareness campaign in Kipkaren, our home-based
care (HBC) team was sharing about the importance of HIV testing as well as making wise choices to prevent the further spread of HIV. A known prostitute from our community had come to the campaign and approached David Tarus, one of the directors of ELI Kenya. She grabbed his arm and, in Swahili, said these words, “I know that I am HIV+, and I don’t want to pass the virus to others. You are telling me to change, but this is the way I feed my children. Can you help me find another way?”
Over the past year, her plea for help has continued to be heard deep within our HBC team. We
have prayed for God to give us wisdom to know how to minister to this woman as well as to six other prostitutes from the Kipkaren area with whom we have been meeting. It has been a challenging journey, but God is leading us in the way to go. We meet together every Wednesday morning to encourage the women, to ask them what their dreams are, and to teach simple business skills and other life skills. This past Saturday, the women came for a Bible study and
then there was a time for their feet to be washed and their nails to be painted. One of the goals behind this ministry is that each of these women will begin to see that they are of value to God. As one of the women was having her feet washed, I walked into the room. She grabbed my
hand and said, “Juli, I will never forget this day!” Please join me in praying for these women.
Along with their children, they live very vulnerable lives. Please pray that God will show us practical ways to train and empower these women. It is only God that can deliver them, but I know that Jesus is waiting to receive them into His Kingdom.://

A Future & A Hope...

2006-05-15T07:33:00.000-07:00

“For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all of your heart. I will be found by you, and I will bring you back from your captivity; I will gather you from all the nations…” (Jeremiah 29:11-14).
These verses are so often quoted, but as I listened to them within the setting of Kolmarek, Southern Sudan, I was struck again by the reality that these hope-filled promises were written to the Israelites as they entered 70 years of exile. And as I looked into the faces of my Sudanese friends, I saw that the promises of these verses have been clung to, waited upon, and are now being lived out. For 2 decades, they were in exile crying out to God for peace and justice to fill Sudan. They were praying that they might return home. Because of the war, many had been separated from their families, and they have been praying that they might be reunited. Over and over again, stories have been told of children being lost from their parents. For many, they are still waiting, still hoping to be reunited.
As these verses were being read, I could also see out the window of the church as 900 Southern Sudanese refugees were returning home. Men, women, children and animals were loaded into the back of open beded trucks. At the end of their journey lies a land they know as home. For years they have waited to return, but 20 years of war has left the land different than they remember. 20 years of war has left them different. Still they long to return.
So many of the struggles of life are impossible to understand and may not change within this life; but this past week, I witnessed again that God is close to the brokenhearted. He is faithful to His promise: if we will search for Him, He will be found. He is gathering these Sudanese from many lands and bringing them home, but I thank God that His ultimate promise is nothing more, nothing less than Himself. He alone is the future and the hope of Sudan.
The return to Sudan…
I am at a loss for words as I try to write about our team’s 6 days in Kolmarek, Southern Sudan. There are so many stories to be told, and there are no words to adequately describe the intensity of the journey or the emotions that were felt along the way. For sure, God’s favor and grace were experienced, and His provision led our way. He prepared the hearts of us who were going as well as the hearts of those we were going to serve. He granted us health and protection in all that we did. He allowed us to live amongst a community of survivors and to see glimpses of what life, within the Dinka culture, is like. Personally, He allowed my heart for the Dinka people and the ministry within Southern Sudan to grow larger than before.
It was an incredible blessing to be a part of this united team of 9 who traveled from Kenya to Sudan to serve the sick within the village of Kolmarek. Resources were limited and the climate was extremely harsh (120 degree days intermixed with torrential rain & wind); but with God as our strength, the mission remained clear. The partnership that developed with the Sudanese nationals who hosted us was equally wonderful. Without their assistance with translation and the countless other ways they served us, the mission would have been impossible. We held a mobile clinic in a local school for 4 days and treated 1046 patients with general medical and dental services. A majority of the patients were treated for preventable diseases related to food and water borne illnesses, worms, malaria, malnutrition, and an eye disease which leads to blindness known as trachoma.
I want to share the story of one of the patients we had the opportunity to care for. Her name is Abiei, and she is a 16 year old who was carried to the clinic on a mat. Like so many of the people in the community, Abiei and her family live as pastoralists in a cattle camp amongst thousands of cows. During the day, the cows range to get food; but in the evening, the cows and people gather together and sleep in the open air. The people survive by drinking the milk of their cattle. For generations, cattle camps have been a way of life for the Dinka people.
Due to contaminated water, there has recently been a cholera outbreak in different areas of Southern Sudan. Without intervention, cholera causes severe dysentery and eventually death. Upon arriving, it was reported that Abiei had been suffering from severe diarrhea and vomiting for several hours. Upon physical examination, it was clear that she was going into shock. Her extremities were ice cold and her blood pressure was no longer audible. We began to give her IV fluids to rehydrate her and monitored her very closely. At moments, it seemed that she was not going to make it. There was no place to refer her for more extensive treatment; and if our mobile clinic had not been there, there would have been no treatment for her. We, along with her family, cried out to God on her behalf and asked that He would spare her life and bring healing to her broken body. He did; and for the next four days, Abiei and her father lived with us as we continued treating her.
One of the first nights, she was critically sick and continued to have severe diarrhea and vomiting. Throughout the night, I was getting up every 2 hours to give her medication; and I had the privilege of watching Abiei’s father lovingly care for her. He cleaned her and comforted her in a way that I have rarely seen before. I thank God for sparing Abiei’s life and for allowing me to be a part of caring for her. I also thank God for the example of selfless love I witnessed through this father- it has touched my heart in a deep way.
Thank you for choosing to partner with me in this mission. Your prayers, your financial support helped to make this trip possible. There is no way to measure your investment’s worth; but by God’s grace, I watched the life of a 16 year old girl be spared and 1045 others helped. The need for ongoing community health work as well as basic medical services was deeply impressed within my heart. As ELI’s vision for ministry in Sudan continues to take shape, I am praying that God will raise up Sudanese nationals who speak Dinka to continue in this work. Please join me in praying for God’s will to be done in the health of these dear people and for peace to continue in the land of Sudan.

Stories of Empowered Lives

2006-04-18T02:18:00.000-07:00

This past week, I sat in a staff meeting with a group of 20 Kenyans who work in the training center in Kipkaren as we were asked this question: “When you think of a life that has been empowered by ELI, who comes to your mind?” One by one, we began to share the names and stories of people whose lives we have witnessed being changed. Many began by saying that they themselves & their families were the ones empowered with vision and hope for their lives.
Mwei, one of the gardeners at the training center, retold the story of one of our Home-Based Care (HBC) clients named Kibet. He said that he used to hopelessly push him on the back of his bicycle to try and get treatment. Through HBC, he has witnessed Kibet receive quality care and regain his strength to the point that he is now working on the construction team at the ELI Children’s Home.
Pastor Peter shared about a lady named Dinah. She is 26 years old, a single mother of 3, who has been blind since childhood. She recently tested positive for HIV, along with her 2½ year old son named Daniel. Her situation is full of challenges, but there is also hope. Dinah and Daniel have started taking HIV medication, and her family is receiving food support. For the first time in his 2½ years of life, Daniel is not crying from pain when he is held, his chronic diarrhea has stopped, and he has the energy to play with his brother & sister.
Ezekiel, one of the caregivers we have trained from a neighboring village of Laboret, shared about a time his wife was recently sick. Because of the loving care he & his wife have extended to HIV+ clients in his community, one came to his home to also help care for his wife.
Maru, who works as a driver for ELI, explained that he recently overheard a conversation by some of the HBC clients while returning from the HIV clinic. A man named Joseph said, “If it were not for this car, for these people, many would have died.” Another lady named Esther then remarked, “I would have died.” Maru also told the story of a day he parked the car near a lady who was sleeping along the side of the road. When she woke up, he heard her say: “Wow-it’s our car! This takes care of us with ukimwi (AIDS).”
For me, the name that came to mind was Betty. She is a lady whose trust in God challenges and encourages me in my own faith. I write about her often but truly, Betty allows God’s strength to be lived so beautifully in her weakness. The other day we were walking together after a church service and I asked her this question: “Betty, what is your dream?” She quickly responded that when she was so sick, she had lost hope. Her only dream was for her children to be educated and taken care of. She went on to say that after accepting her HIV status and finding acceptance within the Home Based Care program, she found hope again. Now, her dream is this: “I dream that I will make more room for God to fit in me. I do not need riches or the things of this world. I need more of God. Juli, I was so dirty, but God lifted me out of my mess. I do not want to be the same Betty today as I was yesterday… I am being transformed.” Currently, Betty is in Nairobi attending a training to become certified to counsel and test others for HIV. I am blessed as I watch God expand His kingdom through the life of this dear friend.
David Tarus, one of the directors of ELI Kenya, concluded our staff meeting by saying this: “Because of this ministry, our lives have been changed. We get up in the morning with a plan for the day. Now that our lives have been changed, we want to be a part of changing the lives of others.” For sure, as Jesus said, the poor will always be with us; and because of it, we have been instructed to open our hands wide to the poor and to the needy in our land (Deuteronomy 15:11).
Upcoming Trip to Sudan…
In my last update, I shared about my experiences in Southern Sudan and about preparations to return in May with a medical team. It has been amazing to watch God bring together a compassionate and skilled health-care team made up of Kenyans & Americans who desire to assist people within the village of Kolmarek, Southern Sudan. I have been equally blessed and humbled by those who have chosen to partner financially and in prayer with this mission.
May 3-9, we will be in Sudan. The goal of the trip is to set up a mobile clinic to treat patients: physically, emotionally, and spiritually. In the process, we hope to get a better assessment of the immediate as well as long term health related needs of the community. Also, part of the team will be doing some community health related teachings in ELI's elementary school to both teachers and children. I also see this trip as a time to continue to seek after God, to wait upon Him, for what is next for the health ministry of ELI in Southern Sudan. Thank you again for your much needed prayers and support.
Home-Based Care…
Over the past few months, God has placed a great desire and burden within my heart and the hearts of our Home Based Care team to reach out to people who are alcoholics within our community. As we continue in AIDS ministry, it is evident that the widespread addiction to alcohol feeds the cycle of poverty and is a contributing factor in the spread of HIV. Recently, David Tarus, the director of ELI in Kipkaren and a man who searches after God’s heart, wrote letters to the local drunkards and their families inviting them to be the special guests of our church service on a Sunday. It was an incredible day as, one by one, they came. Some were sober, all were wondering why they were invited. David shared about the parable of the prodigal son. He explained that there is a loving Father who longs to forgive and waits for us to return home. David’s humble heart, so connected to this community, pleaded with these men and women, calling them by name, to something more. He explained that, as the body of Christ, we would stand together. After the service, nearly 50 families stayed for lunch. HIV testing was also offered and 38 were tested. It was a remarkable beginning, and we are asking God to continue to lead us step by step.
Please join me in praying for this ongoing ministry of extending compassion and acceptance to alcoholics whose lives are entangled in addiction and brokenness. It is only God that can bring change; but I believe He longs to redeem what is lost.

Update From Sudan

2006-03-01T03:24:00.000-08:00

“Open your mouth for the speechless, in the cause of all who are appointed to die. Open your mouth, judge righteously. And plead the cause of the poor & the needy.” Proverbs 31:8-9
These are the words that resonate in my mind & my heart as I consider my journey to Southern Sudan.
Over the past 1 1/2 years, through the vision & life of my friend, a Sudanese refugee named Stephen Reech, God has allowed my eyes to be opened and my heart to be softened towards the brokenness within the land of Sudan.
Stephen’s Story
I remember the day I first heard Stephen share the story of his life and the struggles of his people. He told of a civil war that had spanned over two decades, a war fought between the Northern Islamic Sudan and rebels in the South. In the genocide, approximately 2 million people were killed and an estimated 5 million people were displaced. In 1991, in order to survive, Stephen & his wife walked for 11/2months to the border of Uganda. Along the way, their only sources of food were leaves and wild fruits. Upon reaching Uganda, they lived in a refugee camp amongst thousands of other Sudanese who had also fled Sudan to save their lives. Because of the harsh conditions of the camp, 2 of Stephen’s children grew very
sick and eventually died.
In the midst of exile, Stephen & his wife refused to give up. They prayed night & day for peace to return to their land. Despite being offered several opportunities to go & live in the U.S. & Canada, Stephen refused, saying that his dream was to one day return home to
help rebuild Sudan. In January of 2005, the peace treaty was signed declaring peace between the North & the South, and for the first time in 13 years, Stephen went home. He explained that everywhere he went, he would become so overwhelmed with emotion that he would be
unable to speak. He witnessed the continued suffering of his people. He explained that the children were naked, hungry & many were sick. As I listened to Stephen, I wondered how it was possible that I could know nothing of this war that had lasted for almost as long as I have
lived. My spirit grieved that the world stood by as a modern day holocaust took place once again. A desire grew within me to go to Sudan to assist in whatever waysGod might lead. After Stephen shared, I told him that, God willing, I would one day go to visit his homeland
and to meet his people. Last Thursday, I—along with a team of six others—landed on a dirt airstrip in the desolate village of Padak, Southern Sudan. Stephen was waiting for us
as we arrived and greeted me by saying, “Thank you, Juli. You have fulfilled your promise.”
A Time to Return, A Time to Rebuild
As I traveled along dirt paths through the desolate countryside of Sudan, I wondered what the place was like before the war. I also considered what it will be like after the masses return from their time in exile. There is a generation of children and adolescents who have lived
their entire lives as refugees. As a ministry, ELI’s vision is to empower the poor and oppressed that they may be able to know, worship, & serve God without hindrance.
As the Sudanese return to their homeland, remnants of the war remain, and the Sudanese vulnerably fight to survive: physically, emotionally, & spiritually. After much prayer and consideration, it has been more than evident to the leadership of ELI that God
is expanding the ministry and leading us to be a part of bringing His hope into the rebuilding & development of Southern Sudan.
On Sunday, our team had the privilege to attend one of the churches that Stephen had helped
start before the war. As I listened to the Sudanese sing their songs of worship, I did not hear the sounds of celebration that I am accustomed to hearing in Kenya. Although I could not understand the words they were saying, I deeply felt the cry of a people who were intensely and desperately—from the depths of their lives—calling out to God. As I was confronted with the beauty & the brokenness of this people, I was moved with compassion.
In a country where the governmental infrastructure is, at best, weak, there are many
challenges to be faced.
Within the area of health, resources are scarce and disease is rampant. There are major public health crises because of the mass number of returnees living in overpopulated camps as
they await relocation. Refugees are returning from Ethiopia, Uganda, & Kenya as well as areas of hiding throughout Southern Sudan. Cholera and yellow fever outbreaks as well as
severe malnutrition amongst children are prevalent throughout the area. I visited several cattle camps where children are raised outdoors amongst thousands of cows. The children survive only off of the milk of their cattle. The eyes & faces of the children were covered with dirt and flies. One of the major health problems throughout Southern Sudan is blindness caused by an easily preventable bacterial infection known as Trachoma.
Throughout my time in Sudan, it was clear there is an abundant need for the implementation of health programs, both preventative and curative.
In May, I am planning to return to Sudan with a team of healthcare workers from Kenya. As I have shared about the experiences I had in Sudan with my co-workers in Kenya, they have expressed the desire to go and share their knowledge and services with the people of Sudan. It is exciting to see those who have been empowered in Kenya desiring to be a part of empowering people in other parts of the world.
In order for this trip & ministry to be possible, we need to raise nearly $10,000. If God would lead you to join us financially in ministering to the sick in Sudan, please write your check to ELI & note that it is for “Health in Sudan”. In advance, I thank you for your partnership. Praying for Peace
As I have left Sudan and returned to my home in Kenya, there are many images and experiences that fill my mind. I cannot forget the 18-month-old, severelymalnourished
baby that sat naked on my lap as I visited a refugee camp. Although his life has started with
so many odds against him, he is a part of the generation that is the future of the new Sudan.
I will also remember the words of 26-year-old Abraham who found God in the midst of exile. He explained, “I had lost my family when I left Sudan, and I kept asking myself, ‘Who is my guide?’ When I was sick and did not have medicine, I asked myself, ‘Who is my
healer?’” Surely it was God.
And I still hear the fervor in the voices of the Sudanese as they chanted, “Exile is over. Exile is over. Exile is over.”
In a way that I’ve never understood to pray before, I pray that the Lord will make His face to shine upon Sudan. There is much forgiveness needed for healing to take place.
Oh, I pray for peace.

Sudan Pictures

2006-03-01T02:55:00.000-08:00

My Homecoming

2006-02-06T05:41:00.000-08:00

As we drove into Kipkaren, I could hear the familiar sound of my dear friends singing to welcome me home. It was already dark, and they were waiting in the pouring rain. As I walked down the line to greet my friends, I was overwhelmed with thanksgiving because of the opportunity I have to serve God in this place. Even though I have lived within this culture for some time and frequently experienced their “welcomes”, it was still remarkable. I continue to be amazed by, and learn from, the hospitality that is so generously given.

I have jumped back into village life with a great sense of peace and joy. It has been encouraging to see the ways in which the health ministry has not only continued while I was away- it has flourished. The staff of ELI’s health clinic had a vision to begin a mobile clinic in a neighboring village called Labuywet. Over the past 3 months, we have been partnering with this village through our Traditional Birth Attendant training program. The lack of health care within the community prompted our staff to respond. This past Wednesday we held our first mobile clinic and treated 70 patients & tested 40 for HIV with 3 being positive. Please pray for us as we embark on this exciting new aspect of ministry.

This past weekend, we held an HIV/AIDS Campaign in a town called Moi’s Bridge. Approximately 6 months ago, we trained members from a local church there in our 3-Day Home-Based Care training. Needless to say, the church caught the vision & have begun a great work in their community. On Saturday morning, hundreds of people gathered in the town center and marched to the site of the HIV/AIDS Campaign as the Salvation Army band played on. We held a soccer tournament, bicycle race & concert which created a platform to speak truth concerning HIV/AIDS. We counseled and tested 127 people for HIV with 6 being positive. Those who tested positive are being connected with quality treatment for HIV. It was truly an amazing day to experience.

Marching, that morning, in the middle of the crowd felt something like I imagine marching into a battle field might feel. There was the rush of adrenaline but also the realization of the very present danger. In this case, AIDS. The strategies to battle against it are not clear cut; but for the sake of Africa, the battles must be fought and won. God continues to speak to my heart that this is not a battle I’m called to fight on my own. Rather, it is His battle, and I simply get to a play a part. I recently was reading in 2 Kings 6 and was both encouraged & challenged by the story I read. It says, “And when the servant of the man of God arose early and went out, there was an army, surrounding the city with horses and chariots. And his servant said to Elisha, ‘Alas, my master! What shall we do?’ So Elisha answered, ‘Do not fear for those who are with us are more than those who are with them.’ And Elisha prayed, and said, ‘Lord, I pray, open his eyes that he may see.’ Then the Lord opened the eyes of the young man, and he saw. And behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha” (15-17). It is humbling to consider all that goes unseen; but like Elisha, I am asking God to open my eyes that I, too, might see. He is with me. He has surrounded me and is fighting the battle that is so much bigger than myself.

Journey to Sudan…
I ask you to join me in praying… I am going to travel to Southern Sudan with a team of 6 others February 16-21. Over the past year, God has been opening doors and confirming opportunities for ELI to move into Southern Sudan. A peace treaty was signed last January ending 21 years of civil war in Sudan. There is much brokenness in the land. The poverty is extreme. There is great need for healthcare. As I consider this journey, there is no doubt it will be stretching. I also know that God will be with us.

Please pray for:
- Safety & protection throughout our travels & stay in Sudan.
- Vision for the ways God is wanting to work through ELI to empower the people of Sudan & wisdom in how to do it best.
- Health & strength as the climate is extremely hot.
- God’s compassion for the people of Sudan to be experienced & put into action.

Thank you for your prayers & support. I look forward to sharing more in the days ahead. Blessings & love, Juli

Tax-exempt donations may be sent to Empowering Lives International
PO Box 67 Upland, CA 91785 Phone 909.476.6822
email: julimcgowan@empoweringlives.org web: www.empoweringlives.org

Kenya Pictures

2006-02-06T05:00:00.000-08:00

I Must Remember

2006-01-04T23:59:00.000-08:00

For the past eight weeks, I have been in California reconnecting with family & friends and sharing stories, with anyone willing to listen, of what is taking place in the health ministry in Kipkaren. I have been speaking on behalf of those who do not often have a voice: widows, orphans, the sick & poor. Over the past 5 ½ years, God has been confronting my tendencies towards complacency and reshaping my worldview so that these are the voices and cries I do hear. I want to say thank you to the many of you who were willing to listen and compelled to respond. Thank you for your compassionate actions. Personally, I was humbled & truly encouraged by the ways I was genuinely received and embraced by my family & friends as well as the many I have come to meet along the way.

I must remember...
I don't often admit it, but I have a memory problem. In the busyness of life, I can be quick to forget that God has been faithful. As I dream about where God is leading and prepare to return to Kenya, I have also felt the need to be still & simply remember the things He has already done. 1 Samuel 7 documents a time when Samuel did just this. The army of Israel had just been granted a miraculous victory over the Philistines as God had used thunder to confuse their army. The story goes on to say: "Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen, and called its name Ebenezer (Stone of Help), saying, 'Thus far the Lord has helped us'" (1 Samuel 7:12). As I look back upon this past year of ministry in Kipkaren; I, too, must say: "Thus far the Lord has helped us". There are faces that come to my mind of people who did not expect to live to see 2005 and are still alive today to speak the praises of God. There is HIV testing accessible at the village level and HIV medications available to those already infected. There is a community of individuals who are willing to extend compassionate care to the sick, to orphans & widows. Where once there was only fear, a deep sense of hope has been born.
On Monday, I will return to Kenya knowing that there is much work to be done. There are challenges to face and dreams to dream. However, as I reflect upon what God has already done, I am filled with thanksgiving. I have come to know the Lord as My Helper and am learning to trust Him with what lies ahead.

CD release...

Over the past year, I had an opportunity to record an album of songs I wrote. The lyrics are reflections from my journey of following Christ. Traditional Kalenjiin chants were recorded in Kipkaren and are interwoven throughout the project. If you are interested in purchasing a CD, please make checks payable to ELI ($15/CD). All proceeds of this album will go towards the Empowering Lives International's Health Ministry. Please be sure to include your mailing information and mail to PO Box 67 Upland, CA 91785.

Thank you again for your continued partnership and support in ministry & life. Juli

Tax-exempt donations may be sent to Empowering Lives International

PO Box 67 Upland, CA 91785 Phone 909.476.6822

email: julimcgowan@empoweringlives.org web: www.empoweringlives.org

Photos from Kenya

2006-01-02T19:36:00.000-08:00

Saying Good-bye

2005-11-01T22:25:00.000-08:00

The Story Continues...Last night I was invited for a “kwaheri” (good-bye) dinner at the home of my dear friends. It was a simple night with food generously shared. We ate by the light of a lantern in their hut and laughed as we told stories about life. As we walked home through the dark African jungle, with the moon & stars overhead, I was filled with a deep sense of thankfulness. I truly love this place; and more than ever, I love these people. Today has been filled with “good-byes”. This afternoon a friend named Kibet, who is a patient in our Home-Based Care program, came to my home to say thank you. As I sat with him, he reminded me of the day I met him lying under a tree. At that time, he was waiting to die. Now he is physically strong and eager to live. He constantly speaks of a God that has granted him another day. When I came to Kipkaren fourteen months ago, I did not know Kibet. I did not know the road we would walk together, but I thank God for this journey. There is nothing easy about it, but we are experiencing the grace and goodness of God.
Later, this afternoon, a group of women in the community gathered and spoke words of blessings into my life. One lady stood and said that I had planted a seed within the heart of this village that would never be forgotten within this generation. Another went on to say that the seed fell on good ground and is ready to grow. She told me that I only need to return to weed it. As the ladies shared, I was reminded of a verse when Paul said, “I planted the seed, Apollos watered, but it was God who made it grow,” (1 Cor. 3:6). Surely it is God that has granted favor and is allowing this dream that was planted to grow into reality.

I’ve been challenged as I’ve read journal entries about living amongst the poor written by Henri Nouwen. During his stay in Peru, he wrote: “Jesus learned obedience from what he suffered. This means that the pains and struggles of which Jesus became part made him listen more perfectly to God. In & through his sufferings, he came to know God & could respond to God’s call. Maybe there are no better words than these to summarize the meaning of the option of the poor. Entering into the suffering of the poor is the way to become obedient, that is, a listener to God. Suffering accepted & shared in love breaks down our selfish defenses and sets us free to accept God’s guidance… But do I really want to know Jesus? Do I really want to listen to him? Do I really want to take up my cross and follow him? Do I really want to dedicate myself to unconditional service?” As I prepare to leave tomorrow, I can truthfully say the answer to these questions is yes. I desire to know Jesus with all of my heart. I do want to live my life to serve God through the lives of others. I know the cost is nothing short of everything- my family, comfort, and security. But I’ve also experienced that this surrender leads you straight to the heart of God. For that, I will search all of my life.

A Year Ago Today...

2005-09-01T10:51:00.000-07:00

A year ago today I arrived in Kenya. There were so many unknowns awaiting me; but without a doubt, I knew God was leading me back to this little village called Kipkaren. And I am so grateful He did. This year has been full of both joy & heartache. The lessons I have learned and the experiences I have lived could fill an entire book. Within every story, there would be the central theme of the faithfulness of my God. Over the past year, dreams & passions of caring for those infected & affected by HIV/AIDS have been realized far beyond what I had even imagined. The partnership that has developed with a neighboring clinic has brought access to much needed HIV testing, food support, and quality treatment including HIV medications. On a daily basis, the ELI Home-Based Care team humbly gives their lives to serve the sick, the widows and the orphans within this village. In an amazing way, this community has captured a vision and is combating the fear that plagues HIV/AIDS by speaking truth and extending compassion in practical ways to their neighbors and family members. Trainings have been given to empower people from other communities to also invest their lives in similar efforts. For obvious reasons, HIV/AIDS is overwhelmingly challenging. It has stolen so much life, but I thank God I am witnessing a sense of hope being restored. In the midst of so much darkness, there are glimmers of light. I have witnessed the healing that is received when people are free to come as they are, in their brokenness, and find a place of refuge. This journey has led me deeper in understanding of what it means to receive & extend the limitless love of God, and I have never felt more alive.

As I have prayed and watched all that is happening around me, it is clear that this is where I am called to be. My heart for the people of this land continues to grow day by day. I have committed to serve with Empowering Lives International until December of 2006 but will remain as long as God leads. There is much work to be done & love to be given. By faith, I believe that the ELI Home-Based Care program has only touched the surface of what God is desiring to do within this village and throughout Africa. In the days to come, I envision massive mobilization of churches and individuals from surrounding communities to be involved in trainings on how to implement home-based care for those already infected with HIV/AIDS. Silence must be broken with words of truth. AIDS awareness campaigns are needed to encourage and provide opportunity for early HIV testing & treatment as well as to promote behavioral changes that prevent further spread of the virus.

The partnership I have experienced over the past year has been such a blessing. I cannot express what it means to know that people are standing with me in prayer and giving financially to this ministry. I wish I could take you on a home visit and introduce you to my friend Kibet. He would welcome you into his home and then explain how he had expected to die before reaching Christmas of 2004. He would go on to to thank God for hearing his cry and making a way for him to live. If we went to visit Betty, she might tell you that she has been rejected by her family but has been surprised by the love and new family she has found in the Home-Based Care team. And Timone, he would simply lift his hand towards heaven and say “Mungu tu”. It’s only God. These are just a few of the lives that are being transformed by the love of Christ.

I invite you to continue to join me in this journey in any way that God would lead. Your prayers and financial gifts are gratefully received. The cost for living and continuing the work in Kipkaren will be around $40,000 for this next one year. Please consider making a one time gift or a monthly commitment to partner with me as I minister to the physical, spiritual and emotional needs of the people affected by HIV/AIDS. Thank you again, and may God bless you.

Waiting

2005-08-30T01:44:00.000-07:00

“I would have lost heart unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; be of good courage. And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord.” (Psalm 27:13-14) Over the past month, these verses have been a wellspring of life to my soul. I am in a season of brokenness. Within the last weeks, I have cared for a young mother of 2 boys as she suffered the painful effects of HIV/AIDS & died. I have cried as I looked into the eyes of those same boys as they buried their mother. On that day, there were no tears in their eyes; instead, their eyes were filled with fear and questions too difficult to ask. A few days later, I held within my arms a 2 week old baby as she drew her final breath. And then I sat and grieved with the baby’s mother as she no longer had her baby to hold.
I live and breath among a people that know the feelings of hunger, disease & death- all too well. I confess there are moments that I want to run away to a place where life can be comfortable and where I won’t feel the burden or hear the cries of the poor. But when I am still, I know there is something deeper within me. It is the love of Christ: it is what compelled me to come and is what will allow me to remain. Recently, I have been considering Jesus’ journey to the cross, and I am realizing that the only thing greater than His suffering was His compassion for the people for which he died. Mother Teresa was quoted saying: “If you love until it hurts, there is no hurt only more love.” I don’t fully understand what this means or know how to live it out, but I believe there is a great truth hidden within. As I strive to learn what it means to wait upon the Lord & seek Him to be my refuge and strength, I know it is no longer simply about what He can give. Sure, I pray for the blessings of God to be released upon this place. I pray for lives to transformed and sicknesses to be healed, but I long for more than the blessings He can give. I long for Him. And so I will wait and trust the sufficiency of His grace to be my strength and my joy.

HIV/AIDS Home Based Care Update…
The Home Based Care program continues to thrive and is a blessing to both the families cared for as well as to those of us who provide care. We are currently visiting and assisting 26 families affected by HIV within our community. The numbers of people infected surface almost on a weekly basis. As I have already shared, there are many challenges involved; but I am grateful to God for the ways He is providing ideas and resources to care for those infected and affected by HIV/AIDS. HIV testing remains available to the community at our ELI Health Dispensary. Over the past 6 months, we have tested over 200 clients for HIV with 25 people testing positive. As truth is spoken and compassion is extended, I see the reality that fear truly can be replaced with hope. And I thank God. We are currently preparing to teach another 3-day seminar on Home Based Care to individuals from the churches in surrounding communities. The need for compassionate care to be extended is so evident. Day by day, I am asking God for ideas and the means to live out His love. Thank you for your continued prayers- they are desperately needed.

The journey…
One year ago, this week, I was finishing my packing, saying good-bye to family and friends, and preparing to board a flight on a one way ticket to Kenya. I had very little idea of what awaited me, but I knew that God had led me. This year has been full of adventure and learning. I have experienced community in a way that I have always desired, and I have seen longtime dreams realized. There have been seasons of sorrow and brokenness equally met by moments of pure joy. More than ever, I feel God’s anointing upon my life to be in Kenya. So, as long as He leads me here, I will remain.
I am planning to come to the U.S. for a visit in November and will remain through Christmas. I am greatly looking forward to time with family and friends and for opportunities to share more of what God is doing within the ministry of ELI as well as within my own life.
Your prayers, financial gifts, and encouragement are blessings I will forever be grateful for. I want to thank you again for your continued partnership with me in this journey. May God bless you.

Gratitude

2005-07-15T01:38:00.000-07:00

I’m at a loss for words. As I stare at the blank screen before me, I wonder how I can possibly communicate the countless ways in which God continues to work within this community, within my own life. I long to tell of the stories that fill my days, introduce you to the friends that teach me so much about living, and allow you to experience the joy & pain that accompanies life within this village. Words feel limited and don’t accurately articulate all there is to tell. How can I describe the tears that flow down Timone’s face or his words that, in the midst of loneliness & pain, insist “Mungu tu” (Only God)? Or how can I relate what it is like to sit with Mary, a widow & mother of two young boys? Her weakened immune system has allowed multiple opportunistic infections to fill her body; and yet, she explains: “Yesterday I was feeling weak & tired, but today I woke up & remembered my God. He is good.” Although I cannot adequately describe all there is to tell, it must be told that surely God is good & is working in this place. In the midst of a people who know hunger, poverty & suffering, I continue to be amazed & envious at the way their lives are filled with such faith, dependence & thanksgiving.
As I share life with these friends, I keep being drawn to a message Jesus first told thousands of years ago. Seated on a mountainside, he talked about a kingdom where blessings lie in what we so often struggle to avoid. He said, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God.” In The Jesus I Never Knew, Philip Yancey writes: “With no where else to turn, the desperate just may turn to Jesus, the only one who can offer the deliverance they long for. Jesus really believed that a person who is poor in spirit, or mourning, or persecuted, or hungry & thirsty for righteousness has a peculiar “advantage” over the rest of us. Maybe, just maybe, the desperate person will cry out to God for help. If so, that person truly is blessed.” Yancey quoted a list of “advantages” to being poor written by Monica Hellwig. These describe so much of what I witness on a daily basis in the lives of the people I serve with:
1. The poor know they are in urgent need of redemption.
2. The poor know not only their dependence on God & on powerful people but also their interdependence with one another.
3. The poor rest their security not on things but on people.
4. The poor have no exaggerated sense of their own importance, and no exaggerated sense of privacy.
5. The poor expect little from competition & much from cooperation.
6. The poor can distinguish between necessities & luxuries.
7. The poor can wait, because they have acquired a kind of dogged patience born of acknowledged dependence.
8. The fears of the poor are more realistic & less exaggerated, because they already know that one can survive great suffering & want.
9. When the poor have the Gospel preached to them, it sounds like good news & not a threat or scolding.
10. The poor can respond to the call of the Gospel with a certain abandonment & totality because they have so little to lose & are ready for anything.

In a way that baffles the standards of this world, I am learning & experiencing that God’s kingdom is offered & received by those who recognize their need for it. Just this past week, I met a lady named Teresa whose life demonstrates a dependence upon God. Her story continues to move & challenge me to live out the love of Christ.
Like so many others in the community, Teresa’s life situation is extremely difficult. Her husband, an alcoholic, abandoned her to raise their five children alone. She lives in a mud hut and survives through her small business of cooking & selling food to workers in the community. As if her life were not already full of struggles, one month ago Teresa took in a 5 month old little girl named Ivon. Ivon’s mother died in May. Her father was leaving Ivon in the house alone from morning until night while he was away drinking. Upon learning of the neglect & abuse that was occurring, Teresa went to Ivon’s father & asked him to allow her to take the baby. When asked why she decided to care for the baby, her only response was: “I felt sympathy towards her.”

Teresa’s generosity, in the midst of her poverty, humbles & challenges me. She has taken the message of 1 John 3:16-18, as it was intended, literally. It says, “This is how we know what love is: Jesus gave his life for us. We too, then, ought to give our lives for our brothers. But whoever has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how can the love of Christ abide in him? My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in action and in truth.” Since my visit, the sacrificial love of Teresa & the face of this beautiful child have not escaped my mind.
Let me close by sharing lyrics that speak of living with gratitude in the midst of unfulfilled hopes. This is the prayer of my friends & has become the desire of my heart. As Jesus said, the kingdom belongs to such as these.

Gratitude
By Nichole Nordeman
Send some rain, would you send some rain?
Cause the earth is dry & needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade.
Would you send a cloud, thunder long & loud,
Let the sky grow black & send some mercy down?
Surely you can see we are thirsty & afraid.
But maybe not, not today, maybe you’ll provide in other ways
And if that’s the case, we’ll give thanks to You with gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You;
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If you never send us rain.

Daily bread, give us daily bread.
Bless our bodies; keep our children fed.
Fill our cups then fill them up again tonight.
Wrap us up & warm us through,
Tucked away beneath sturdy roofs.
Let us slumber, safe from danger’s view this time.
Or maybe not, not today, maybe You’ll provide in other ways.
And if that’s the case, we’ll give thanks to You with gratitude.
A lesson learned: to hunger after You,
That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead.
And if we never taste that bread.

Oh, the differences that often are between
Everything we want and what we really need.

So grant us peace, Jesus grant us peace.
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight.
Or maybe not, not today.
Peace might be a million miles away. And if that’s the case,
We’ll give thanks to You with gratitude,
For lessons learned in how to trust in You.
We are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need.
And if You never grant us peace,

But, Jesus, would you please?

Unexpected Suprises

2005-05-17T01:32:00.000-07:00

This evening I was taking a walk & was overwhelmed by the beauty of this place. As the rains have come, the landscape is transforming. Everything is green, the river is rising & the corn is covering the country side. As I was walking & thanking God for His provision, I was greeted by two little kids. When I say “greeted”, I mean they ran at full speed with muddied, bare-feet & outstretched arms to hug me. I should probably mention I’ve never met these children before. I’m guessing the rule of not talking to strangers does not apply here. Needless to say, their hunger for attention & uninhibited embrace grabbed my heart. God used those two precious children to remind me of His great love & why it is that I am here.
Over the past months, there have been many moments filled with reminders just like this one. Without a doubt, this is a journey of trust filled with unexpected surprises. There are many obstacles & challenges along the way, but there is also an overwhelming sense of the favor of God. I’m experiencing the truth that indeed “eye has not seen, nor ear heard. Nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him.” (1 Corinthians 2:9). In reflecting upon how this verse defines so much of my life these days, I wrote these words.
As the plans I’ve made are all stripped away,
I find what I’ve been searching for.
The longings within my heart-
Are clearer than ever before.

As I sit within the meadows,
And I dance through the streams.
With Your Presence forevermore,
I’ll live what I didn’t dare to dream.

What my ears have not heard.
What my eyes have yet to see.
What my mind could not comprehend.
You’ve already prepared for me.
Community Health Projects…
There are several exciting projects currently occurring within the ELI Health Ministry. For me, it is really a blessing to watch this community catch a vision to implement practices that promote better health for themselves & their families as well as to care for those who are sick within the village. I want to share about 3 projects that are taking place, and I ask you to join me in praying that God will use these efforts & bring new ideas for further development.
Traditional Birth Attendant (TBA) Training.
As I shared within a previous newsletter, it is estimated that at least 80% of births, within the village of Kipkaren, are conducted in homes by untrained traditional birth attendants (TBAs). TBAs are women who have learned delivery methods through the experience of older women. Because there is a greater risk for the health of both mother & child in delivering at home, the need to empower TBAs with more knowledge was identified.
In 2004, 35 TBAs successfully completed a 16-week TBA training taught by the ELI Health Clinic staff. In March, I had the privilege of partnering with one of these TBAs in a home delivery, and I tell you it really was a blessing to witness the combination of her years of extensive experience & newly gained knowledge put into practice.
In June, we are beginning our second 16- week training for another group of TBAs within Kipkaren as well as a training in a neighboring community. The course will include topics such as hygiene, HIV/AIDS, delivery complications, when to refer the expectant mother to the clinic, mother & child nutrition, family planning, and many others. At the end of the training, there will be a final exam. Because many of these women have not have the opportunity to go to school and do not read or write, it will be their first exam and will be conducted orally. For those who successfully complete the course, there will be a graduation in which each TBA will receive a certificate and a metal box filled with basic supplies to carry with them when conducting deliveries.
Home-Based Care (HBC) Caregiver Training. We have just completed an 8-week training for people to learn more about HIV/AIDS and how to provide home-based care for those who are sick within the community. It was exciting to watch the HBC committee teach the course with so much passion as well as the community members applying themselves to learn with so much dedication. In addition to learning within the classroom, the community members went into the homes of the sick & had an opportunity to implement “hands on” what they had learned. There are 31 who will graduate from the course this coming Saturday. In the weeks & months ahead, the HBC committee will be partnering with those newly trained caregivers to mobilize care for the ever growing need within Kipkaren & the surrounding villages.
In 2 weeks, there will be another caregiver training for 25 people, from churches in the surrounding areas, to come for a 3-day intensive course. Please pray that God will use these trainings to enable those trained to reach out to their neighbors & family members with the love of Christ.
Malaria Prevention Project. During the rainy season, malaria is a huge problem within this area. In 2004, the ELI Health Clinic treated 786 adults & children with malaria. Even this past week, there have been 2 small children who have died while under treatment and another hospitalized due to malaria. Recently we have been able to purchase mosquito nets, at a dramatically discounted rate, to distribute them throughout the community.

Please pray that God will bring new ideas to break the cycle of malaria as it causes so much suffering within this community.

Blessings to you…Thank you for your continued prayers & support. Know that they are needed & appreciated so very much.

"Together We Are Coming Against AIDS"

2005-04-15T01:46:00.000-07:00

April 15, 2005 is a day that will not be soon forgotten in the village of Kipkaren as hundreds to thousands of men, women & children gathered together in a field for an HIV/AIDS Awareness Campaign. The event began in the morning and lasted until late in the night and was evidence that God can & is truly replacing the fears surrounding HIV/AIDS with a new sense of hope within this community. The day’s theme was “Together we are Coming Against AIDS”; and throughout the day, those theme words were repeated in Swahili, “pamoja tunapinga ukimwi”, as people joined & lifted their hands together.

The day was filled with many activities- all with this underlying message: HIV/AIDS has & continues to steal to many lives, and it is past time for the community to join together & fight it. It is time to fight the stigma surrounding AIDS that alienates people. It is time to speak the truth about the realities of HIV. It is time to make wise choices that prevent the transmission of HIV. And for those already HIV positive, it is time to face the fear of going to be tested in order to gain the chance for treatment.

The activities of the day included the finals of a local tournament. It was amazing to watch these young men from surrounding villages come & play. There were no lines to mark the field, no scoreboard to keep the marks, and some even played barefoot; but it was very competitive and a lot of fun for the many who watched as well as for those who played.

In the afternoon, HIV testing & counselling was offered and dramas & songs by Kipkaren’s Home-Based Care caregivers were performed. As I watched men & women share openly & with passion about the topic of
AIDS, I knew it was a pivitol day in the life of the community as the vision for fighting against the spread of HIV & caring for those already infected was, by at least a few, captured.

One of the highlights of the day was witnessing 5 people from the surrounding area stand before the community & share that they were HIV positive. As I listened to one of the patient’s within our Home-Based Care share about his status & his life, I was reminded of sitting in his home just a few short months ago. He was so very sick & did not think he would live to see the new year. But on this day, as he shared there was a new found hope. He is currently taking HIV medications & growing stronger with each day. Upon visiting him, he often reminds me, “Mungu anaweza” which means God is able. As he stood before the people, he encouraged them to go for HIV testing & to face their fears. His testimony of what God is doing in his life was truly a miracle to experience.

The remarkable day was closed by an amazing concert by a band from Nairobi called “The Village”. Through music, this group of gifted Christian musicians powerfully proclaimed a message about the love of Christ and Kenya’s need to fight against HIV/AIDS. It was a night filled with singing & dancing as well as a time where people fell to their knees & asked God to bring healing to their land.
In a village filled with many struggles, I am grateful for the victories, great & small, that are being won. I am grateful for the relationships that are being made & the lives that are being empowered through the work being done. I am grateful that God has allowed me to be a part in what He is wanting to do within this community. And I am grateful for the ways God has used you, my family & friends, again & again to reveal His love & faithfulness. Your continued prayers & support enable me to live & work here in Kipkaren & bless my life more than I could ever express. So thank you.

The Battle Is Not My Own

2005-02-10T01:23:00.000-08:00

I no longer wonder what it felt like for David to come against Goliath. I, too an unlikely choice, have been asked and have committed to fight a battle that is much bigger than myself. I must confess it seems absurd to throw the few small stones I’ve been given at this giant killing Africa; but then again, I need not forget that the battle is not my own. The longer I remain in this little village, the more God is awakening me to the reality of how big an enemy AIDS really is. The love of God continues to compel me to follow the model of Jesus Christ “who walked thousands of kilometers, held hundreds of hands crushed by calamity, ate with prostitutes & thieves, and marched into big churches to tell the religious leaders that the kingdom of God was upon them- outside in the community where the blind and lepers lay”.
The nature of HIV is to hide itself within an individual’s body as well as a community & continent until it has spread to unfathomable proportions. By the time it shows its indiscriminant and ugly face, life is quickly stolen striking a fear so deep within those left behind. The fear factor, associated with AIDS, has caused even the word Ukimwi (Swahili for AIDS) to rarely be mentioned; instead, we talk about “the sickness”. This silence and refusal to recognize the reality of HIV/AIDS continues to nourish its spread in Africa.
Two weeks ago, as I sat with yet another family experiencing the devastation of AIDS, my heart was broken again. The family is comprised of a man in his forties who is struggling to hold onto life, two wives already infected, and a beautiful three month old baby named Brian whose status is yet to be discovered. On that day, I wasn’t alright with simply sitting beside them as they die. I desired for there to be hope restored. I told the family that I had heard about a clinic in the neighboring town of Turbo offering services to HIV patients on Friday’s. I had no idea what to expect, but we decided it was worth a try.
Friday morning, I woke up early and was encouraged as I read in the Psalms that God does not forget the cries of the humble (9:12). I needed to be reminded of that. Upon arriving to the Turbo clinic, an older gentleman from the States welcomed me graciously and introduced himself as Dr. Joe, the physician in charge of the clinic. As I stood in an office full of antiretrovirals and other medications, he asked what I thought. Tears streamed down my face as I told him, "I sit with people every day as they struggle to live & it's horrible." As the day continued, it was very evident that God was opening doors for us to partner together to care for & treat AIDS patients.
Through grants & other funding sources, Dr. Joe has been able to open multiple clinics & give free testing & treatment to thousands of HIV patients throughout Kenya. The services offered include medical treatment with access to HIV medications, laboratory services, nutritional support & counseling, and other social supports. That day, I returned to the village in awe of the possibilities for providing care that had been revealed.
Since my first visit to the Turbo clinic two weeks ago, we have begun a HIV/AIDS Awareness Counsel that is made up of 8 dynamic people from Kipkaren who are passionate about caring for the needs of those infected & affected within this community. With a renewed sense of hope, we are looking for ways to battle the fears associated with HIV/AIDS.
This week, HIV testing & counseling has been started within the village. Even this morning, I sat with a young man who came requesting to be tested. He was obviously frightened by what the results would be; when the test results were negative, he pulled condoms out of his pocket and shared that he needed to throw them away & begin to live in a way he knew Jesus had called him to. I spoke frankly with him & told him that he was responsible to make choices that would protect his family & himself from HIV and encouraged him to find someone he could talk with to hold him accountable for his actions. As we shared, I felt led to pray for him. His reply was that we needed to get on our knees. In my little hut, we asked God to lead, to provide strength in weakness, & thanked Him for grace and protection. It was an amazing moment of truth.
For those that test positive, access to medical treatment with Dr. Joe is offered & coordinated for any who are willing to go. We’re finding home based care to be a valuable way to monitor medication compliance in between visits as well as to follow up on other needs within the family. Pastoral support and counseling are also available to encourage the patient & family.
Needless to say, there are many exciting things happening within the health ministry of ELI these days. I am seeing visions become realities & watching God grant dreams greater than I had dared to dream. I covet your prayers for continued strength & wisdom as I continue to fight this battle & learn to love. God is at work, and I want to join Him

What We Have Not Yet Seen

2005-01-17T01:25:00.000-08:00

"For our present troubles are quite small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see right now; rather, we look forward to what we have not yet seen. For the troubles we see will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever” (2 Corinthians 4:17-18). In a much needed email, I received these verses this past week and was gratefully reminded how temporary the pains of this world, Kipkaren village, and my own life really are. This is not to deny the reality of the present suffering; on a daily basis, I see that it is all too real. There is hunger, sickness, and struggles of many kinds that surround. But in the midst of pain, it is easy to lose heart and forget that the burdens will soon be over and replaced by unending joy. So as I write this, I find myself thankful that God’s heart is for the broken & oppressed but also hope-filled that someday the suffering will altogether end.
Childbirth is a perfect analogy of this process of struggle & pain preceding joy. Jesus described it as this: “A woman, when she is in labor, has sorrow because her hour of suffering has come; but as soon as she gives birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish for she is filled with joy that her baby has been born into the world” (John 16:21). I experienced this very thing today. On the floor of a mud hut, I sat with a friend as she labored for an intense 16 hours. There were no medications to numb her pain; and with great courage, she labored. Without immediate relief, she struggled & cried out to God. After many hours, she asked: “will this baby ever come?” Although I wondered the same thing, I encouraged her that the painful process would soon end and would be worth it. When the long awaited moment arrived, a greater joy indeed replaced her pain. There was a little baby boy who filled her arms. As I delivered the baby & he drew his first breath, I was reminded of the incredible miracle & gift life truly is. Although it’s indescribable, I witnessed this mystery that “pleasure, coming after the pain, absorbs it” (Yancey).
For the present time, within each of us, there will remain unfulfilled desires and a longing for what is broken to be restored. But I am learning that, in the midst of pain, God is still deserving of my praise. There are lyrics to a song entitled “When the Tears Fall” that express what it is that I am trying to share. They say:
“I’ve had questions without answers. I’ve known sorrow, I have known pain. But there’s one thing, I will cling to: You are faithful. Jesus, You’re true. When hope is lost, I’ll call you Savior. When pain surrounds, I’ll call you healer. When silence falls, you’ll be the song within my heart. In the long hour of my sorrow. Through the darkest night of my soul, You surround me and sustain me. My defender, forevermore. I will praise you, I will praise you. When the tears fall, still I will sing to you. I will praise you, Jesus praise you. Through the suffering, still I will sing”. – Tim Hughes
More to tell…
Over the past months, I have shared stories about various aspects of ELI’s health ministry taking place within the community and wanted to give you the latest updates.
Orphange: There are now 90 children living in the ELI Children’s Home. They are doing very well as they remain in an environment with structure & love. Please continue to pray for the parents, teachers, and all of the other workers who have full-time jobs investing in these little ones.
Community Health Program: A major target of ELI’s efforts are geared towards the prevention of disease. It is clear that preventing is always better than treating a disease; and within the clinic, our health team meets weekly to develop & implement strategies for the prevention of illness within our community. Some of our efforts are currently targeting the following areas:
Immunization of infants & children- Easily preventable childhood illnesses such as measles, mumps & polio continue to seen due to the lack of immunizations. Because of this identified need, immunizations and monitoring the growth & development of infants and children are now available to the community on a bi-weekly basis.
Solar water purification pilot project- Water borne illnesses are a leading cause of illness and even death within the region. A pilot project has been launched targeting 10 families within the community utilizing 1 liter plastic bottles. The bottles are filled with water & left in the sun for 6 hours. The UV rays from the sun kill the disease causing organisms & offer hope of reducing illnesses related to dirty water. With time, we plan for this strategy to be introduced into the larger community.
Malaria Prevention- Within tropical & sub-tropical regions throughout the world, malaria causes more than 300 million acute illnesses & at least 1 million deaths annually (WHO, 2004). The World Health Organization reports that malaria kills an African child every 30 seconds. In 2004, the ELI Health Ministry treated 786 adults & children with malaria. Ongoing education is being offered in ways to prevent the transmission of malaria. Also, we are pushing to sell mosquito nets treated with insecticide at discounted rates to the community.
Traditional Birth Attendants (TBA’s)- Within the Kipkaren community, we estimate that at least 80% of births in this community are conducted in homes by untrained traditional birth attendants (TBAs). TBAs are women who have learned delivery methods through the experience of older women. Because there is a greater risk for the health of both mother & child in delivering at home, the need to empower TBAs with more knowledge was identified. A 16 week TBA training was taught by the clinic staff with 35 women successfully completing the course in December 2004. In June of 2005, another 16 week training will be conducted for other TBA’s within the community as well as continued follow up for those previously trained.
Home-Based Care (HBC)- As reported within my last update, the HBC program continues to grow quickly and in incredible ways. Currently, there is HIV testing & counseling available within Kipkaren, HIV medications & treatment within the neighboring town of Turbo, & routine follow-up home visits made by the members of our HIV/AIDS Awareness Committee. We are also regularly visiting orphans & widows that fill our community to encourage and assist them where possible. This week, we have begun a 6 week training for caregivers on home-based care. It was exciting as 27 men & women came for the first session. I truly believe this will be a great means of allowing members of the community to become aware of the realities of HIV/AIDS that will enable them to reach out to their neighbors & family members with the love of Christ.
Thank you again for your continued prayers, love & support. They allow and enable me to do what I love and have been called to do. I pray that this update has been a reflection of what is occurring within my heart as well as the greater ministry in which I serve and will be an encouragement & blessing to you.

Kenyan Christmas

2004-12-28T01:18:00.000-08:00

The Story Continues...
Over the months, bit by bit I have been telling of the vision that God has placed within my heart to visit & care for the sick within their homes. This time, I want to continue, in that, by telling you the story of a man named Timone. If I were to describe what I feel most called to and passionate about, Timone’s situation is it.
He is an educated man who was once a husband, father, & successful businessman. Now, in his mid-thirties, his life has little remnants of what used to be. The consequences of HIV/AIDS have left his physical body wasted, filled with pain, and unable to eat or control even his most basic body functions. Because of neurological impairment, he has significant right sided weakness & his speech is very limited. But it only takes one look into his eyes to understand, at least in part, the story he is unable to speak. Abandoned by his family, he can be found sitting alone within his little hut on any given day. He’s tired & alone. Upon our initial visits, the clinic staff & I found Timone hungry & dirty. We began visiting Timone regularly in order to build a relationship & to care for the most basic needs of this broken man. We started with the obvious needs by cooking foods (he could actually eat) and assisting him with bathing, laundry, & other household chores.
As time has passed, I’ve learned that Timone & I share a love for music And so we sing. In actuality, he hums as I attempt to accompany him in my broken Swahili or Kalenjiin; nonetheless, his face lights up leaving both of our eyes filled with tears. Translated from Kalenjiin, the words of his favorite song say: “ Let the hand of the Lord take care of me until I go home.”
Although this may sound strange, sitting with Timone is often the closest I feel to Jesus. In Matthew 25, Jesus tells us a story in which he says: “I was hungry and you fed me, thirsty and you gave me a drink; I was sick and you took care of me”... When asked, “when did this happen?”, Jesus simply replied: “whenever you did it unto the least of these, you did it to me”. Just prior to my coming to Kenya, I read a quote by Mother Teresa in which she said: “Each AIDS victim is Jesus in a distressing disguise”. Believing this is what God was calling me to do, I wrote a song in reflection of these words. The lyrics read:
See You…
Little hands- tear stained eyes.
Wasted bodies. Endless cries.
In a world, so hard to understand-
Jesus, I see it’s your hands.
Broken hearts- Tired of the fight.
Afraid & alone with death in sight.
In their world, so hard to understand-
Jesus, I see it’s your hands,
It’s your feet, & your heart.
And I want to touch you &
Serve you all of my days.
I love you, because you first loved me.
Jesus, help me to see that when I look deeper-
It is you who is looking back at me.
Jesus, help me to see- It’s you.
Even though it’s just a glimpse, I am getting see Jesus; and I must tell you, it is in what might seem to be the most unlikely of places.
A Kenyan Christmas...
As I wrote in my last update, I knew that Christmas would be a different experience this year. I desired for it to be different, and it was. It was a simple season but rich with precious moments and priceless gifts…
Much of the week proceeding Christmas, I spent in Ilula at the children’s home where there are currently 85 children living. It was an amazing blessing as my sister’s company sent 7 large packages full of clothes, toys, Christmas decorations & toiletry items for the kids. Tears filled my eyes as I opened the boxes- most of these kids have never had a single toy. Over the past months, they have come one by one to this home barefoot with only the clothes on their backs. Their eyes wideopen and wondering where life was taking them next. One of the parents, upon seeing the boxes, said: "I have no words to say- surely God is good." And I wish there was a way to truly capture the smiles upon each child’s face as they received their gifts- it is a moment I am not soon to forget.
I also had the opportunity to take food and supplies to Timone. I was surprised, upon arriving to his home, to find his 5 year old son had come to visit his dad for a few weeks over the Christmas holiday. Little Kipchumba’s presence had brought a smile that was rare to see upon Timone’s face. Again, I was grateful for the good gifts that only God could give.
Last, but definitely not least, I had the privelege to take food & supplies to the home of Edwin. He is the 12 year old boy in late stage heart failure that I wrote about a few months ago. Thank you for your continued prayers for he and his family. He continues on medications to help filter out the excess fluid that fills his abdomen and is surrounding his heart, and his abdomen is at least half the size it was when I met him. I walked up to where his family lives & told his mom & brother that there were things for them in the car. The next thing I know- Edwin is running down the hill to the car with this huge smile upon his face. It was an incredible miracle to watch. On Christmas morning, I was amazed when Edwin & 2 of his sisters walked over 2 miles to the training center. Upon arriving, Edwin explained that they had come to go to the Christmas service at church. Again, my heart was overwhelmed by the gifts God was allowing us to receive & experience.
There are not enough words to express the gratefulness I feel within my heart for the continued prayers and generous support I’ve received throughout the past year. But I thank you & pray the blessings of God would fill your lives throughout the coming new year.

Christmas at the Manger

2004-12-01T01:14:00.000-08:00

It’s hard to believe Christmas season has come… To say the least, it has a very different feeling this year. In my little village, we don’t experience the hustle & bustle of shopping, there are no holiday parties to attend, no hopes for a white Christmas, and no trees to decorate or Santa Claus to visit in the mall. Life feels somehow the same as every other day; and yet, there is a clear understanding that there is reason to celebrate.
This season I’ve been reminded again of my first trip to Kenya. I’ll never forget wallking down that dirt path only to find a young pregnant lady named Christine in labor and ready to deliver. She had walked several miles, having heard there was a nurse in the village, and I was the one she had found. I remember thinking, “this is no place or way for a baby to be born”; and yet, that is exactly what was about to happen. Just down the path, there was a small mud hut that became a delivery room. Little Joshua was born on a dirty floor made of cow dung without complication, and God’s peace and presence filled that place in a way I had never experienced before. I was amazed to later learn that the people who were gracious enough to open their home were named Mary & Joseph. After that day, the humble birth of Jesus took on a whole new meaning to me.
Over the past few weeks, I have been blessed with a little taste of home as my parents and a team from their church in Redding, California have come to visit Kip Karen. Without doubt, one of the highlights of their trip was the night we celebrated Christmas together. Yes, it was a bit early as it proceeded December 25 by a few weeks; nonetheless, an unforgettable night. With great love & care, the team had brought presents for each member of the family I live with and myself. After opening my presents, I was thankful for the generosity of gifts given; but in my spirit, I needed something more. I desired what “things” could not provide me.
As we prepared to continue with the party, I explained to the team: “to truly celebrate, there’s not enough room in this inn”. They didn’t really understand what was about to take place; but through the rainy night, we made our way to the stables & simply stood at the manger. Among the animals, we read the Christmas story with a greater understanding of what actually took place that first Christmas. It was not glamorous and the most unlikely place for the Saviour of the world to be born; and yet, it was the way he chose to come and be among us. Tears streamed down my face as the words of the old Christmas carol kept running through my head: “Away in a manger, no crib for a bed. The little, Lord Jesus laid down his sweet head. The stars in the sky looked down where he lay. The little, Lord Jesus asleep on the hay.”

I wondered, what kind of love would allow Jesus to come to the world in this way? I still wonder… I do pray that your Christmas will be blessed and filled with great joy. And just maybe, through the busyness of the season, you can find your way back to the manger. It is an incredible place to go- it’s where God chose to come.

5 Loaves & 2 Fish

2004-10-31T01:13:00.000-08:00

Coming home.
I send greetings from my new home in the village of Kipkaren. I am grateful that God has called me to come and live this season of life in this place. Throughout the community, I have been welcomed with rich hospitality by both old and new friends. One of the first people to greet me was a little 4 year old boy named Daudi, a child I delivered my first trip to Kenya. It’s hard to describe the feelings I felt in seeing this child again, but it was definitely a moment I was reminded of the faithfulness of God.
I wish each of you could also experience the view from the front door of my hut which overlooks the Kipkaren River. It is truly a beautiful sight and peace-filled place.
Grace to care.
Within days of arriving to the village, I met a 12 year old boy named Edwin. His story and life have touched my heart deeply. I ask that you pray for him and his family as their lives are filled with great challenges. I met Edwin while he was in a local hospital in the town of Eldoret. Although his smile would tell otherwise, his grossly distended abdomen revealed that he was gravely sick. His cardiac workup confirmed that he is in late stage heart failure with no treatment options available. He was sent home and is currently on medication to help filter out the excess fluid that fills his abdomen and is surrounding his heart. The reality of his situation allowed me to realize again the need for home-based care. Allison Tjaden, my dear friend and co-worker with ELI, and I have begun to visit Edwin & his family about once a week. I tell you, some of my favorite moments have been spent simply sitting under a tree with this little boy & his family. We shell the recently harvested maize, listen to Edwin’s radio, and attempt to learn the Kalenjiin language. Basic physical assessments are done and we pray together. In the midst of the challenges, I am learning that joy is found in meeting people simply where they are. I ask you to join me in praying for the compassion and grace to care for this family in a way that will allow them to experience the love of God.
Orphanage update.
Since my last update, the number of children living at the children’s home has grown to 50. These little ones are so full of life and doing very well. Please continue to pray for the entire children’s home staff and these precious children.
Need realized.
In my last update, I reported that I would be attending a training on the implementation of home-based care. It was timely that the day before I was scheduled to go I attended the funeral of a 30 year old man named Amos. I know little about his life; but his death, due to AIDS, allowed me to realize again the deep need that exists within this community. These words, written within my journal, were reflections of a hard day but also represent the prayers of my heart: “I need to surrender these heavy burdens that accompany this day. Passions that are deep within me are now developing into realities; and yet, they are harsh and way bigger than myself. My heart was grieved today over Amos’ lost life and also what he left behind. Two small boys watched as their father was lowered into the ground. A widow wept. A mother sat in shock and silence as her second child, in two months, was buried. A community gathered and supported each other, but an unspoken reality also rang crystal clear. Another life was stolen and shortened by AIDS. Today, AIDS was not about statistics. It was not about research or academic pursuit. Today, there were two little boys, a widow, and grieving parents who buried a man they loved. There is a monster in this land; and there are challenges, that apart from God, are impossible. This is not about programs or my plans, but I pray that the love of God can be implemented into action.”
The next morning, I traveled with several others from the clinic staff to be trained on practical ways to implement holistic care within homes using local resources. The training was led by a Kenyan lady who has been running a home-based care program for HIV/AIDS patients in a slum area outside of Nairobi. The stories she shared, from her experiences, were inspiring to say the least. I t was a great two days of learning and dreaming, and I am excited to see how God is going to use these ideas and knowledge learned to care for the sick within the community of Kipkaren. The overwhelming need that fills this place reminds me of the story found in Matthew 14:15-21. Jesus, recognizing the hungry people, had compassion on them and told the disciples: “They don’t need to go away. You give them something to eat.” The resources they had were a mere five loaves of bread & two fish; but when surrendered to Jesus, it met the needs of a multitude. I,too, find myself in the midst of a multitude with great needs and hear Jesus reminding me: “They don’t need to go away. You give them something to eat.” So, I’ll offer the five loaves of bread and two fish and trust Jesus to multiply it. Thank you for your continued prayers and support.

Learning to trust

2004-09-22T01:07:00.000-07:00

Stories to share...
It is a dream come true to be back in Kenya and working with Empowering Lives International. It is an exciting season as we are in the process of starting an orphanage in the village of Ilula, but it is also a time when the harsh reality of AIDS is very present. It is estimated that there are already over 1.2 million orphans in Kenya alone. As we gratefully received our first 10 orphans this past week to the children’s home, there are now little faces with names and hard stories to accompany that overwhelming statistic. I want to share the story of one. His name is Benson Kip Too.
His story is like so many others… His father died, and his mother followed a short time after. Her fresh grave, just a small distance from the hut remains as a constant reminder. Benson is one of nine children left behind, and His grandmother has taken them in but does not have resources to meet even the most basic needs of these children. It’s impossible to adequately describe in words the feelings I experienced in going to this home. There was so much suffering. We took Benson, who is 7, and his little 3 year old sister for HIV screening. Upon leaving the compound, the 11 year old brother began running after us. He was screaming and crying: “take me too”. Because of the abundance of need, ELI has decided to start the home by accepting children 3-9 years old. I can't begin to tell you the heaviness and brokenness that filled my heart at having to leave him behind. I will not ever forget the sound of his cries. Upon testing the kids for HIV, the 3 year old was diagnosed with HIV. Again, because we do not have the facilities to care adequately for kids with AIDS at this time, we were unable to accept the little girl into the home.

My heart was broken once again for these little ones who desperately need help. As great as the sorrow, I also rejoiced because the silent cries of a little boy named Benson had been heard. He came to the children’s home hungry, dirty and broken; but it is clear, he has come to a place where there is hope again. There are parents who love these children and are taking them as their own. There is food to eat. There are clothes to wear. There is an opportunity to go to school and be raised in an environment where love is given. On the day Benson arrived at the orphanage, there were five other orphans that sat in our laps as we drove to Ilula. One little boy began yelling, “tunaenda nymbani”. It says it all: “we are going home”.
With much thanks…
There is so much to be grateful for. I’ve been encouraged time and again by the emails so many have sent- it somehow makes the worlds that we are apart smaller. I was able to talk to my parents by phone the other day; ironically, I had better reception in the jungles of Africa than I typically would have on a good day in Los Angeles. It’s seems a bit strange- I don’t have electricity or running water, but we do have the availability of cell phones. But for it, I am grateful.
Thank you for all of the prayers you have prayed. God has granted me safe journeys as I’ve traveled many miles. I have been welcomed back by my friends in Kenya so graciously. There have already been many moments that I’ve just had to stand back in awe at the ways in which God is confirming this desire within my heart to care for AIDS patients through home-based care. The second day I was in Kenya, I met a lady who works as a social worker for an organization that is already implementing home-based care within the same area as I will be living. She has invited me, after I return from language school, to meet her co-workers and to go on home visits to see the care that is being given through this program. I also have learned of a 2 day training being offered in a nearby village on this very topic of home-based care and will be attending in mid-October. All of this to say, I know that God has been preparing me for this season of ministry.
I am currently in Arusha, Tanzania at a 3 week intensive school to study Swahili. There is much to learn; but bit by bit, I am getting it. Thank you for your continued prayers for me in this area. I am looking forward to returning to Kipkaren, Kenya to make use of all that I am learning.
Learning to trust…
If I were to describe this journey of returning to Africa in a phrase, it would be this one: I’m learning to trust. As I adjust to life within a new culture and am daily confronted with harsh realities that are difficult for me to understand, I keep being reminded that: “The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know Your name will trust in You, for You, Lord have never forsaken those who seek You" (Psalm 9:9-10). In Ruthless Trust, Brennan Manning sums up this theme with these words: “The reality of naked trust is the life of a pilgrim who leaves the nailed down, obvious, and secure, and walks into the unknown without any rational explanation to justify the decision or guarantee the future. Why? Because God has signaled the movement and offered it his presence and his promise”. Moment by moment, God is teaching me to trust Him and allowing me to walk in freedom simply as His child.

Compelled to go

2004-08-03T11:00:00.000-07:00

Four years ago I left for Kipkaren, a small village in Kenya, Africa, willing to be used to minister to the people physically, yet painfully aware of my own inadequacies as a nurse. I was unaware that this four-week mission trip would change my life. I helped deliver a baby on the floor of a mud hut. And I washed the open sores of a man dying of AIDS. I experienced brokenness and poverty. At the same time, I saw rich joy and inexpressible faith. I encountered a people and a culture that captured my heart and I knew I had found a place to serve.

But I had more to learn first. I earned my bachelor’s degree in nursing at Azusa Pacific University and have been working in the infectious disease unit at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center for the past two and a half years. After two more summer trips to Kenya, I realized that to truly give quality care, I would need even more education. In September 2002 I went back to school at Cal State Los Angeles to get my Masters in Nursing, with an emphasis in international healthcare, and become a Family Nurse Practitioner. I am currently in the process of completing my final project, creating a framework in which music is utilized within the home-based palliative care settings in Kenya to educate the family and caregiver and to promote dignity for HIV/AIDS patients during the dying process. My heart cries:
I see you, I hear you,
Though no words you say.
You are not alone,
You are not unknown.
Though sorrow may last for this night
May joy come with morning’s light
As peace rests upon your soul,
For you are not alone.

These are the lyrics of the song I’m writing for my final project, an example of the music that will be used to educate and to minister to the people of Africa where AIDS has ravaged through cities and villages indiscriminately destroying the physical, emotional and spiritual aspects of life. The implications of this disease have affected not only individuals and families but also communities and a continent at large. Within Kenya alone, it is estimated that nearly 2.5 million people are living with HIV/AIDS. Over 500 people die of AIDS every day, most between the ages of 15 and 49.

It has been said that “the ultimate tragedy is depersonalization – dying in an alien and sterile environment, separated from the spiritual nourishment that comes from being able to reach out to a loving hand, separated from a desire to experience the things that make life worth living, separated from hope.” AIDS has done this to too many in Kenya – it has stripped them of their dignity and left them to die by themselves. This is the burden God has put on my heart: that people should not have to die alone.

So this September I will be returning to Kipkaren to work with Empowering Lives International, a small non-profit organization working in Central and East Africa. ELI’s mission is to “empower the poor and oppressed that they may be able to know, worship and serve God without hindrance, and to motivate and involve others worldwide to invest their lives and gifts in this same mission.” They are dedicated to helping people in impoverished countries recognize their importance in the eyes of God and to breaking the cycle of poverty that chokes out the potential and hope for a better life physically and spiritually. For more information on ELI, please visit www.empoweringlives.org.

While in Kipkaren, I will be working out of a small clinic doing community development and health education and caring for the medical needs of the people there. Once a week I will travel to Ilula, a village in which ELI will be opening an orphanage, where I will be in charge of the health of these children. I will also be in the Congo for about a month where I will be doing physical examinations including immunizations and de-worming for 277 children at a school in the slums.

Already as I prepare to leave, I have been overwhelmed with the way God has brought people into my life to partner with me in this ministry. I know that I cannot accomplish the things He has called me to without the ongoing support of family and friends. One of the greatest ways you can support me is through constant prayer. Pray for wisdom to know how to best educate the Kenyan people about the consequences of AIDS in such a way that it will lead to true life change. Pray that the cycles of disease will be broken. And pray that God’s love for these people will be recognized and received through the physical touch we are able to provide.

I am amazed and truly humbled when I consider the journey that has led me to this place.
My life has been transformed as God has revealed His heart for the financially poor and the poor in spirit. Step by step He has been placing within me a passion to join Him in such a powerful way that moving to Kenya does not feel like a huge leap. It’s simply another step. Without a doubt, the challenges ahead are vast. The AIDS crisis alone feels overwhelmingly too hopeless to face, but it is real and must not be ignored. It is the love of Christ that compels me to go; and I do so, utterly dependent on the God who says He is able.